Fortuitous Wave

Waves crashed and formed in the distant,
Undulating in the vastness of the ocean.
As the sun sank into the horizon,
The horrendous pressure was felt all around.

What fortunes did it bring for me?
Or is it misfortunes that I tried to avoid dearly?
Seemingly troublesome at a glance…
I could prolong the decisions only so long.

Two options arose before my eyes,
As the wave took shape right ahead of me…
Huge it was…as tall as an Eiffel tower,
Fearful, I cowered beneath its shadows.

Ride the wave as it came along…
Or, let it pass over me as if it’s nothing?
Overwhelmed with thoughts of change,
Decision faltered every passing moment.

Mixed feelings started to aggravate me,
Giving forms to the anxiety felt within.
Apprehensive of other’s notice,
I hid in corners…avoiding any distractions.

Decision was my own and not any others,
Discussions…however, were inevitable.
Cramped for space, I sought out open places,
Refreshing air gearing up my now refreshed mind.

Prepared to ride the wave with minimal doubts,
Unbalanced as I was, but I hung on strong.
May it be fortunes, or misfortunes?
Ready I was to take the plunge in deep waters.

Frozen Dreams

Light headed and dizzy,
My tired…puffy eyes try to focus.
Drained of energy,
I, again…manage to read a few lines.

As instant as it was,
The words lose all meaning.
Wave of nausea strikes,
As my eyes move without focus.

Pen lies restless at the desk,
Just as I have lain restless for days…
Paper in my hand…but…
Mind frozen from the night ahead.

Pen held out, I am poised to write …
Smoothly as ever, ink pours into the paper.
As water trickling down into the stream,
Words flow without thought.

Slow in fashion…yet with rhythmic beauty,
Filled with many hidden emotions…
I cry in vain…to be understood,
Of dreams that lay frozen…frozen forever.

In Search of Clarity

Knowledge of extreme woe,
Grips you in your throat.
Harder it becomes to swallow,
As the hold start to choke you…

Yearning for the next breath,
You reach out toward the glow.
Tantalizing, it appears within reach…
But again…it fades into the distant.

You realize yourself giving way,
As your strength seemingly melt away.
You let out your final frustrations,
When confusion binds you at bay.

Stalled at the edge of an abyss,
Jaded…your thirst intensifies.
The thirst for some clarity,
Clarity in the purpose to move on…

Unfounded logic strikes chord,
As thoughts reverberate within.
Emotions pull you out unwillingly,
As past memories give you strength.

Mentally stressed…physically in duress,
Grip on your throat lightens momentarily.
The glow ahead of you materialize,
As clarity presents itself with open arms!!

Into Scary Movies?

So here I was awake at the dead of the night… I had no idea how to keep myself busy. I tried to sleep but I was restless I suppose…even laying in the bed make me extremely uncomfortable. My computer was on… I sometimes keep the music going while I sleep hoping it will take away my incessant thoughts from not entering and ruining my dreams. Dreams being ruined were not the problem of the day tonight however… I browse through the couple of sites already bookmarked and I come across this movie 1408. What is it about scary movies that make people want to watch it at nights? Why do people want to get scared sometimes? Is it to prove to oneself that they are not scared or they will not get easily scared as those people in the movies? I am asking myself that question as I start downloading it…

Although I am a fan of scary movies, I don’t like watching it by myself at thunderous nights and so on :P I mean, it is just going to entice my mind more. And what if you have to go downstairs in the dark or something? :P Nah…I won’t let my mind start getting too imaginative here…especially with all those stories I have heard about ghosts and witches and what nots!! It’s like completely engrained in my head…can’t be forgotten no matter the cost. Believe me, I have tried to forget them too…it still lingers on.

I do however like those home theaters all set up to watch scary movies at night with friends :P It’s sort of a thrill I suppose…the adrenaline gets going and you’re at the edge of your seat and so on...if it’s made good that is. Most of the time, scary movies are not made so great…so the whole thing is like a waste of time. Oh yeah …can’t forget the part where you can join in to scare your friends too :P You’ve got to enjoy that!! Much more mature version of childhood hide and seek, I say !! :P Maybe it’s because the Halloween is so near, that I am interested in watching scary movies…who knows?? (Or maybe it’s completely unrelated to anything, maybe I just happen to see that in the list and just pick it at random because that’s the one that I have most recently heard the review of :-) ). Doesn’t really matter does it?

I remember Halloween…it’s fun for kids I guess…well adults too :P (fun loving adults!! :P)
Go around scaring one another :P (come on!! Who can resist scaring people right? ) You can even go and try those haunted forest and castle/home walks!! One thing that spoils this is that you go in groups…and the people in front of you will react before you and then you won’t be scared anymore because you would have already seen it coming. But even then, it’s always fun watching people getting scared. :-) And if you’re distracted enough…who knows you may even find out whether you really get scared or not and how you’d react to things!! :P Still long ways to go before that day tho!! Enjoy preparing for it…!! Plan on scaring and being scared !! :P

If you’re really itching to be scared sooner than that, then get a really good scary movie…get all the sound system ready. Then choose the thunderous night when you’re home alone…and Enjoy!!

Goodbyes...

Goodbyes are always hard ain’t it? I wonder why though… People come and go from your life all the time…one would think you’d be used to it by now. When you’re young, it’s one thing to believe that friends will last forever. As you grow up however, you realize that’s not the case always. Best friends will have their own life too later on, and you won’t be the center of attention (everyone wants to be the center of attention, :P well maybe not everybody :D ). You learn to move on as time passes on, so why again is it so difficult to say goodbye to begin a new chapter on life? It’s a conundrum.

Goodbyes are a must however… so I guess I might as well muster up all the emotions and give it a proper close.

I had been preparing to say goodbye for a long long time. It’s not like that I thought it would be really easy but I hadn’t thought that it would be really that hard either. When I finally broke the news, which happened sporadically by the way because I had been postponing every day to break it to them, I was totally taken off-guard by the reaction. I knew this would shock them for one and would also leave them at a awkward position….that was the main reason of me delaying the breaking of the news. But however I thought this would be a perfect time to tell …rather than let them carry on and think that I’d be staying there longer and plan for the future. So I explained to them and thought I had fully answered all their questions too but I was even more taken by surprise when I got the one on one talk for an hour. I was speechless…I felt really bad. I mean I was at a loss for words, I just listened on. These people are like my family!! I take their opinions very seriously and with all the emotions out there…I really didn’t know what to say at all. And even now, if I think about it…I get this feeling of deep sadness. It really was a bad timing on my part…but one can never predict things in life. Things happen at the worst of times right? I have been thinking about it for a long time and I had made the decision that would be best for me…and I would miss everyone greatly. I truly have learned a lot from them and they’re one of the best of people I have ever met in my life. I have very high regards for them.

I can remember the first day, as anyone can tell from the moment they talk with me…they’ll say I am not much of a talker…very true in fact. I remember one of my friends in high school saying that I look so serious and non-approachable. :D (I won’t argue with that either!! :P ). It takes me a really, really long time to open up to people and talk. It has always been like that…unless with those random people who are really talkative. With some people it’s like hitting the right chords with them you know?...I can talk on and on forever at the first time I meet them. Most of the time however, it’s not the case and I remember here…it took me almost a year perhaps for me to talk a lot have long conversations about “nothing” in particular. I love the talks on ‘nothing’!! :-D There is just this incredibly irresistible charm on that topic…what can I say? :-D

So, after three years of working…I have gotten close to people and I have learned a lot on the process as well. They are a very nice group of people...very helpful, caring and kind, etc. They are never shy on sharing their knowledge…and they are always there to listen to your ideas. They have an open mind and they never put you down. I have heard quite a lot from friends while in school, on how horrible jobs were out there…but luckily my first experience was just so wonderful. It was nothing like what they had described…for instance of discrimination, bosses treating you as nothing, never listening to you…how you’re like a speck of sand in the desert in big companies and such. I hope to not encounter such things but I guess eventually I will encounter those instances as I move on in life…

Here…I loved the people I had the chance to work with. They truly are great colleagues and great friends but life must go on…and things change and so do I have to make my decisions accordingly for the better or for the worst (hopefully for the better :-D …but challenges are always out there to keep life entertaining isn’t it? :P). These past few days, I have been thinking a lot… reminiscing as well. I wonder why when it’s time to say goodbye … you think of all the wonderful moments!! And then again… there’s that tinge of sadness knocking at the door…I have thought quite a bit and still no words of closure have formed in my mind.

Influential People In My Life

Okay, so … October is my month you know. I feel obligated to write something at least….I mean come on…how can I not write anything right? :P

So I sat around for like hours and hours trying to think of something to put here. My thoughts are very jumbled up these days. So many things are happening and it feels like it’s happening all at once too…so I am kind of at a loss for words, thoughts, etc.

I was thinking one of those days where thoughts tend to pour out of nowhere…who is the most influential person I met in life? Now, it’s not like you only meet one person in your life that has affected your life in a positive way…there are literally a ton. At times I seem to forget them too…which is a shame but there are certain people that you can never forget you know. One of the people was one of my teachers in elementary school. Yeah I was very young then….I had just come from Nepal in fact. I was in DC….boy!!!…DC schools… LOL… I don’t know what to say about them. We had come when the school year was about to end but they had told us we can sit in the class just to get the feel for it. Oh wow!! The class they put me in … OMG… it was sooo rowdy. I was shocked to see people throwing papers and talking loud (to which it seemed to me like they were screaming out as if they were about to DIE) like crazy. Then when the teacher enters….no one stops!! Amazed I looked at them…and ask myself… Is this a real school?? It was the most horrible class I had been… I would never want to be in that class ever!!

So when the real school year began, I was hoping against hope to not be in the same class I was at before. Thank goodness, I was in the other class. When I came from Nepal, I was in a different state of mind. I had practically given up in studies…it didn’t matter to me (for reason I am not going to talk about here). So here was this teacher, Mr. McFadden. I was a shy type of person…probably even right now. :P He was an awesome teacher…He probably doesn’t even know how much he had influenced me in studying. I loved studying after being in his class. He always had this great personality, and he seemed to love teaching. Teachers who love to teach, I truly admire them…it’s a tough job!! He became like a source of encouragement to me. I, all of a sudden wanted to study. I remember, spending so much time actually studying!! (What happened to me now?? :-S ) I went home after school and I would go to my room and study study study.. while everyone else would enjoy watching TV. For once in my life, there was someone encouraging me to be better ..it was a great feeling.

Those days, were weird. When we just came here…no one but us siblings used to be home. We would come home and do our things… most of it would be watch tv :P But that’s how it was, I don’t even remember when we shifted to talking in English all the time..
Mr. James McFadden…my first teacher in US (I will always remember his smile…), I feel bad that I never kept in touch with him. I would have liked to thank him though…for everything. I remember those times, when I had … well .. lets not go there :-) He was the first person in many others to follow who I thought encouraged me and had somehow influenced me in my life.

I can write and talk about all of them here, but that would take ages… However, I would like to take this moment and thank everyone who came in my life…whether it was for a short or long amount of time. Everyone will share and pass some knowledge as they meet new people in their life…and some would affect one another in a positive way and some would affect one another in a negative way…but all in all everyone will learn as they move on in life. If we didn’t meet anyone in life, we wouldn’t learn all the things there is to learn would we now? :P So here, I will also thank those who read and comment on these silly pieces I write too. I appreciate all the comments and encouragements!!

:-) You too, play a role in my life ~.^_^.~