Nonexistent Existence

Though stilled at heart,
But as passionate as ever…
I walked a precarious path,
Path as that of a lone wolf…

Disguised simply as a drifter,
I walked a thousand miles…
Following a path of a stranger,
In a land full of foreigners…

Demanded of anonymity,
No place for negligence…
I passed in and about,
Keeping as low a profile…

Strong-willed and stubborn,
Blatantly, I disregarded others…
For…not a hint ought to remain,
Of my nonexistent existence…

Forever Scarred

Flat on the grassy hill,
I would lie on my back.
Without awareness,
Staring blankly up ahead.

With a momentary gust,
Clouds would disperse.
As if being chased apart,
Splitting the huge cluster.

As I stare at the chaos,
I would close my eyes.
Battle would rage on,
Inside…just like up above.

Tossed here and there,
With no particular direction.
Howling would arise instantly,
Chaos alighting with fury.

Battered and ruffled,
Things would get torn apart.
Scarring images would form,
Forever burned in my eyes.

As if in a nightmarish dream,
I awaken with a start.
Lingered feeling of unease,
Would forever be unscathed.

Wishful Thinking

Quietness of the surrounding,
The subtleness of nature,
Calmness would start to spread,
Penetrate deep within my soul.

Million stars would twinkle above,
One at a time…as if to greet me,
Winking at me and smiling,
Acknowledging my gaze upon them.

With a smile I would gaze farther,
Searching … for some recognition,
As if to answer my question,
Waving excitedly, a star would pass by.

Senses would heighten,
Spirited...my heart would flutter,
Wishful thinking…

Once again would reverberate within.

Wake Up!!!

So, I thought I was out of it all....you know!!....freedom at last?? :-S

It's ever so shattering to learn that you are never really free in a sense. So I am done with school ... and here I was, excited at not having to be forced to do presentations, papers... and such for at least a while.. (well i say at least a while here..because I know you can't ever get away from that. Eventually, you will work and there you are!!.. stuck again :-P)

Well that time has come for me as well. "No more vacation sweetheart!! ", someone yells..
You can only get away from it all for so long.... "That's ain't how the world works dear!" Get cracking!! says a friend of mine. (Awww....how insensitive :-(.... Dreams of being in paradise Shattered!! :P)

Whether you're at school or you're just on vacation..or you're working...you'll always be doing something that you want a break from. Why does the same thing you loved doing at one point in your life have to become a nuisance you know? I mean okay, here you are ...a painter.. Then your occupation becomes painting. But then painting was your love... you painted anything you wanted...it made you feel free!! Then you start to paint for others ... then they want things a specific way... you might even have to paint the same thing thousand times before they love it....and everything becomes work...and boring...and irritating.. Why does things have to turn out that way? :-(

That's why...for as long as I can ... I will try and avoid mixing business with my hobbies. Well technically, I don't have a hobby. Hobbies are completely different.... The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I did at times for fun were not really hobbies of mine. Why do I say that? Well...because hobbies are things that you do when you have any time free (or more like...you would do it even if you didn't have time). You have a dull moment, you go there and start with your hobbies... Well in my case, I don't do that. I do draw occasionally, but that's just in rare times. I don't draw with passion... (well I draw with passion once in a blue moon :P) . This is why I don't put that in my list of hobbies.

Most of the times...it seems like every time I get bored..I would either sleep, watch tv, or watch anime..read manga or chill with ppl and bla bla all day long you know. But those things are random things, so you can't really call them hobbies. They're more like, let's see what I can do to kill time ...sorta things :-D
Well, I hope to find one thing that I love doing at any time.... This looks like a real challenge tho!!
"Challenges are what makes life interesting, no?" someone's line pop up in my head... Dang it!!! even when they're not here....it feels like someone is lecturing me :P (Paranoia Paranoia...cuckoo cuckoo!! LOL..)

Well ... here goes my trials... (maybe never-ending trials..but..it should keep me fairly entertained and bz for at least a while :-D)

Escaping the Inescapable

Feeling trapped…
Claustrophobic even,
Distance…
Distance was all I desired.

From whom?, From what?
I inquired upon myself.
Not a word could be mustered,
I had ignored…even myself!!

Middle of nowhere…
Distanced from everyone,
Anyone within sight,
Plainly ignored…

Amidst all the quietness,
My consciousness beckoned…
Aware but unaware,
I walked away blindly…

Standing there…Nowhere!
Left but only with tears…
Tears that fall without falling,
Standing alone…to start anew!

Moments to Capture...

Ft. Lauderdale Resorts:









Finally, after a long long long ride ... we're here:

Ahhhh...finally time to chill...in the cool water..









Leaving Lauderdale....beginning of the journey out in the sea





























Bahamas... (are we there yet?? *sigh...* It seems like a long trip if you watch out at the sea all the time... (was timing myself how long I could stare out to nowhere before I zoned out:-D))










Woohooo!! We're here ... at last !!
**********-----------------*****************

Trying to get a glimpse of Coral reefs...










An exciting adventure out in the sea...90 minutes of that and it's sea sickness time :-P










************----------------------*****************
Party at the Island...
The whole beach to about 50ppl....almost all to ourself!! Awesome!!

(Whole buncha frenly people... :-D)




























That's what I was doing.... Gazing out at the sea as if nothing in the world mattered!! :-) Beautiful place....




































Water is sooooooo clear and blue :D
you can even see the fishes right at the shore !! :-)



















Palm & Coconut Trees everywhere..... (i can't even tell the difference anymore :-S)
































Lizards are everywhere too !!! I heard people eat lizards too :-D Yumm yumm!! :P Delicious!!









Never seen this big cactus around my area!! :-)














International Baazaar in Bahamas... They got their own mini China Town!! :D





















Ocean so blue.... :-) Out there and in the middle of the sea again !!




















And this sums it all up!!
Goodbye... Sayonara... Adieu!!
Time to go HOME... home sweet home!! :-)

Blogging Experience...

So after visiting the site after quite a while, I thought I should write something...anything for that matter. These past couple of months I have just plain given up on writing...not that I really love to write...

I don't even know when I got the desire to write some stuff... I did use to write on rare occasions but I never considered myself to be a steady writer. So this blog of about 30 or 40 nonsensical blabbering is quite an achievement to tell you the truth. I was surprised at my continuity up till now...

Now that it's slowing down....this is what I believe is my true potential. I don't feel like writing...that's the way it always was. If I try to write something...my mind literally goes blank :-)
It's like..forget ya dude!!! I am on vacation :P

I guess during stressful times, you just tend to think a lot more than usual and when you get that motivation/desire to actually use your pencil or even your fingers to type...you can put it into words the way you want it to. Now that I have officially started vacation (well sort of), I no longer have that desire to put it in words...put it in paper...nor the desire to share...

It's funny how you have time to do all these things (blabbering, doodling, etc) when you are in the busiest of all times but when you are actually free...and bored to death of free time...you don't want to do anything. :-D I am amazed at myself really.... I usually wrote these things...during my exam times or when I was doing one of those all-niters. :-D I never understood when one of my friend mentioned that she used to read novels during exam time.... now I sorta get it :-D

Happy blogging to those who blogs!! :-)
I think I'll go on a bit of a hiatus...