The Dogs of Babel

by Carolyn Parkhurst, is a very interesting book.

From the start of the book, it grasped my interest and throughout the whole book it kept me from putting the book down even once. I think I am into short stories these day. It very unusual for me to start a book that's very short...because I like to read something that lasts a long time.... at least 600+pages. That should keep me busy for a while and fully entertained too :-)

I am terrible at giving reviews on anything...so here's a brief outline. It's a simple read.

Paul narrates the story here. He is desperate and is trying to deal with his wife's death at the same time...trying to find out why, how, etc. He wasn't home when she died (accidental or otherwise), only witness was the dog they had. And in desperation to find out the why's and the how's he starts to pursue an unlikely idea of teaching dogs to talk.

In the process, the bond the dog has with their owners are shown... some things just so heart touching. After Lexy died, he sees the dog one day with Lexy's sweater...lying next to it as if he could try and be close to her that way. At that moment he asks the dog...

"where's Lexy? Go get Lexy !! And all of a sudden, she's off, running wildly from room to room. ... she charges through the house, sniffing in corners and barking."

That was just so sad.... [made me wanna cry :'( ]
Your pets have so strong of a bond with you, they seem to go through the same pains as you would when you lose someone.

He narrates his own feelings/thoughts and what he went through after realizing that his wife Lexy has died. He wonders if this was indeed a suicide and if it was, why and when did she decide to kill herself. He had taken everything for granted that he had no idea that she was in that state of mind. He wonders why? ... he hadn't noticed any changes? How come he had missed all the signs?....was there any signs? did he not know her at all? All the question seemed to overwhelm him.... He started to question everything that he had ever known since he knew Lexy... There is this line...that I like and find some truth in it...

"It's true isn't it, that each of us has two hearts? The secret heart, curled up behind a first, living gnarled and shrunken beneath the plain, open one we use every day... I realize there are things about her I will never know. It's not the content of our dreams that gives our second heart its dark color; it's the thoughts that go through our heads in those wakeful moments when sleep won't come. And those are the things we never tell anyone at all."

At the end, can we really know anyone? No matter how much you spend the time with the person, no matter how much you love a person, if the person decides to keep it from you....then they can hide anything successfully. Was it him that wasn't paying attention? maybe .... Could he have stopped this from happening?....perhaps and perhaps not. We all have a way of hiding things from one another.... we all keep things from one another...Not all worries are shared...not all problems are shared and not all joys are shared.... it's the way of life. It can't be helped....

One Life...

So here I was bored to death and I happen to land on a book called "For Matrimonial Purposes by Kavita Daswani". Well just by the topic itself, I would have never read this book...if it was any other times that is :-)

But since I was bored to death, I would have started any book at the time. Maybe I actually decided to finish the book because it was sorta like a blog writing. Blogs are kind of an easy read...about a person's life and those of course catches more interest than those fiction novel which can bore you right out of your mind and make you not want to open the book ever.

It's a nice read, short and funny at some points and something I guess most asians can relate to because at some point in anyone's life your parents would surely nag you about getting married and take you through a drama of picking your perfect pair. I could relate to some of the things, so the interest grew as I read on.

It's a wonder how society works... Marriage and having kids has to be a "MUST" in your life. If you say to anyone "oh... i don't think i wanna marry"....their response would be " Oh my goshh!! why not...how would you live alone? who's gonna take care of you?" It's like it's the end of the world if you don't get married. In our own country, after you reach a certain age pressure from the society seem to escalate and parents are in double the hurry to send you away to some unknown guy so that you can have a life of your dreams. I wonder sometimes, are they really doing this for your own good? or are they doing this to satisfy the society itself ? and keep their so call "reputation" in check. Parents and their reputation!!! You can even hear the touch of anger with that sentence :-P

All my life, all I heard was... "mero ijjat" Ijjat!! that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Parent's Ijjat!! Do you live your life? or do you do things for your parent's Ijjat? Should you have no say in things? Isn't it your life that you are living at the end? or are you still living their life?? Yes, I understand!! As a parent, it's their duty to see their kids have a wonderful and successful life. That's any parent's wish....they grew up believing that marriage is a part of life and after marriage, at least they don't have to worry about you any longer. That you are in other's hand and that they will hopefully take care of you till you die and they can finally live their own life. True True...everything they are doing is right and maybe if I ever become a parent, I would worry about the same things too. It's natural for them to care about you. But then there also comes a point in your life when the parents have to just let you go....let you make your own decision. They can't do everything for you, can they now? They have done their part in raising you...they can't baby-sit all the time. They have to let you make your own mistakes in life....and don't tell me that everyone is perfect. Not even parents are....everyone makes mistakes. They might think that they are doing the best for their children,...but it might end up horrible. Then they live their life in regret...what good would that do to the parent?

Satisfying your parents is one thing, but letting them control your life is another thing...that's what I say at least. If I am not free to speak my mind, then are they really a good parent? I should have been a robot then? Why have a mind of your own, and have the option of "choice" if you can't have a say in anything? I always questioned that. Their job as a parent includes advising them...caring for them..being their for them... That's what parents' job is....when they are children is one thing...they don't know any better. But after they grow up...whether they listen or not ..it's their own problems. They as a parent has done their part and now they just watch and hope that they have taught them right. Controlling will not work all the time......it would at the end just lead to rebellion.

So, the book talks about how the society is pressuring her parents. She is not finding anyone when she reaches the age of marriage and everyone is talking behind their backs and all (since everyone tries to set her up but fail miserably every time). She feels guilty and ashamed that she is making her parents go thru this sadness of having a daughter that no one comes for her hand in marriage. I guess in my mom's time, it was the like that.... I really don't know how it is now ... since I haven't been there for ages now. She recalls marrying only because the society forced her parents to marry her off as soon as she reached the age of 20.

I am glad I don't have to deal with the gossips and so on at least. Not that ..it doesn't exist here in the nepalese community here. I was suprised things were the same everywhere. I would have thought maybe it would be a little less or at least somewhat different. But no..it's the same all around. The communities..families, they all want to know the bad things going on in your life so they can spread the rumor around and feel good about themself I suppose. I remember parents going to visit some community friends and come home then start whining to us for not doing this and that the certain way and how come you bla and when you gonna bla bla... It was always the same routine... their son did that and did this ..how come you don't bla bla..

How bothersome!! Sigh*..

The rate of such visits dwindle down later as we were much more immersed in school work and work work...then suddenly ..no more gossips .. Yayyy!!! I was finally glad I was out of the circle :-) Was it really a great thing? I really think so. :-) I was happy... to be away from the circle. I didn't want to know about anyone and I didn't care if they said anything about me or not.

I kind of got distracted!! :-) I don't what I talk from one moment to the next really. Back to the marriage topic....yeah there just comes a time when it's time for you to marry. You know this right away because your parents start to nag you...how about this guy and that guy! Well I thought when my turn started, I was already crystal clear about what I wanted. But no!!! to my suprise, they had planned things without my knowing. First time comes around, they ask ..then the second and I keep reiterating my say "not interested!!". Then finallly my dad decides...hmm let's bring someone in anyway and not tell me or anyone about it :S Duhh!!! Who're you trying to marry off :-S Shouldn't I know before-hand ?? So I thought I was in for a normal simple get together party and later I learned no..it wasn't that at all. The people who came was actual people who they were trying to set me up with. Their parents were there too :-S Yeah so what did i know about the guy? Nothing!!! Did he ever talk in the party ? No!!!

My mom later learns about the potential match for me and says he's a good boy!! :-S How do you know? I ask... Just because he came with his parents ..and didn't say a word? and looked humble and quiet and respectful? he's nice? Is that how you know people? Is that all it takes to impress parents? I ask a question, if you go to a strange person's house and you don't know anyone...what do you do? Don't you just sit their quietly...especially if you know this is for marriage match making? Have you heard of anyone who would go to other people's house to meet parents all drunk and crazy..or high? No Duhhh!!! So yeah!! I am a bit slow too? I only recognized that this was a set up only when the his mom decides to inspect me all close-up...like you would inspect an amoeba!! What could I do? I literally wanted to whack her!! Don't get me wrong....I was'nt trying to be rude or anything.....but Golly!!! why would you come like one inch away from my face and look at me like that? I thought she was drunk or something!! I didn't want to disrespect her...as that would completely ruin my parents so called "IJJAT"....so all I did was sit there :-S feeling awkward like hell until I got enough irritation built on me to make myself get up and go find out what the issue was... Then learned from my brother that it was a set-up.

Then that was it!!....the point of boiling....

I had to give a heart to heart discussion on this matter so as to end it once and for all....but i wouldn't ruin anyone's Ijjat in the process... I waited till everyone had made their way out first :-P

That was the last of their so called suprise set-ups!! :-D

Am happy :-) Is life without marrying on time....so horrible?? I guess that would depend on the each one's perspective and what they want in life. For me I don't think that one has to conform to the norm in order to be happy....or to lead a happy and successful life. Yes!! not conforming to society's rulz sometimes will be hard and painstaking process for some ...but if you are happy of what you are doing then by all means...be happy doing what you want. Don't follow to rules just because you are forced to it...

In the end only YOU will have to live YOUR life... NO ONE IS GOING TO LIVE IT FOR YOU!!

You have to open your own door and walk the path you choose!!