Trying not to look back...

once i was full of soul. rythm of music flowed thru me as life progressed. Little did i realize,that before I got the chance to find out the full extent of happiness in life i would have to grow up soon and realize that life is not as happy as everyone wants or pretends it is to be.

what is the first instinct for people to do when all seems down at one place? well most people try to get away from it all..go away to some place new and start everything anew. Is that really a good idea? well I have been thinking of putting it to the test. Why not right? if it does seem to work then, it probably will be the best thing I have ever done in my life. But first things first, in all the guides to a new start one always suggests going for a break, a long one... To see if anything could be straightened out that way. So here I am about to embark on a journey to a new place on my own and there comes a person in my life which puts my ideas in a stand still. Now how often does that happen! come on!! All prepared to start something new and here I am back on the same path, or well sort of a same path. Could I have stopped it? perhaps!!! Did I though? Nope... So here goes on another chapter of my previous life. Is this what I really wanted ? probably not! One thing to realize is that once you start something especially if it invovles other people that is ( one on one most likely), it's kind of too late to start wondering that you made a mistake and get out. Well I could have been one of those daring types, who says what the heck forget everything and skip town. But that is not exactly what happened. What happened was far more of what I had thought would have happened when I played the whole scenario out in my head. Now why would anyone in the right mind do that? Does that even make sense!!! especially if you want this new chapter in your life to work out!! Perhaps it was the negativity in my thoughts that led to the events that occurred at the end. Does that make any sense? Would that happen I mean...would actually thinking that thing will never pan out ever make it to not pan out in the way you want? These are more like a rhetorical questions for myself... Why do everyone tend to think of the events of the past more often than necessary after it happens....i mean going meticulously through every step as if anything you could have done, would have done, and so on would have made things turn out any differently. How would that at the end change anything? What happened has happened, there is nothing you can do in the world to change the past...and yet here I am (knowing this fact) thinking it over and over ..all the things as if it is happening right now. Is this depressing or what? Perhaps this is a step one must go through in order to finalize the event that occurred and put it behind you as everyone so aptly puts it.