Undeniable Truth

A Bad Omen

2011-02-11T09:46:00.001-05:00

A crack in an encased mirror,
Dredging up an ol' superstition...
A prick on a finger from a thorn,
Cursing at an innocent gardner...

A presence of an animal corpse,
Unsettling feeling arising within...
An unexpected bump on a course,
Causing a skip on a heart beatin'...

A presence of a lone crow cawing,
Ignoring the myth about souls...
An apparition of black cat darting,
Pressing back on the folklores...

A myriad of unreal coincidences,
Tearing it up at the inner cores...
A series of bad omen hit ashore,
Snubbing to build up the defenses...

The Simplicity of the Ruse

2011-02-08T17:48:00.002-05:00

The listless expression on your face,
Shows the toll taken by the grim news...
The smile you maintain with hesitance,
Makes it harder not to see thru the ruse...

The jitteriness within every movement,
Shows the unsettling nerves within...
The rapid spouting of every statement,
Makes it harder to watch you squirmin'...

The hard swallowing of the food you eat,
Shows the loss of taste with every bite...
The alarmed expression with each beat,
Makes it harder not to see your fright...

The loss of words during a conversation,
Shows the rate at which you zone out...
The quiet strides ahead without emotion,
Makes it harder not see you falter 'bout...

Crossing the Line

2010-11-26T08:25:00.000-05:00

Some people swore that the house was haunted. ‘That statement’…that is how it always started. It was a ploy to get the kids to think freely. It wasn’t our first choice…for kids to be the subjects, but their imaginative skills…the creativity…that’s what we really liked. With adults…they had total control over their thinking, which made free-thinking very difficult. The way kids let ideas manifest fear in their hearts…the way their thoughts came to life as they were put into a sleep induced state. This was how we studied the effects of fear: how the brain registered activities when fear took hold of a child. We hoped this would answer the ultimate question: “If you die in your dreams, would you die in real life?”

There isn’t a child out there that hasn’t heard folk stories or ghost stories. A form of entertainment, no harm no foul. Then there are people with mental illness that can’t tell the difference between hallucination and reality. If we can find out what it takes for our brain to take imaginary things and perceive it to be real, then maybe we can find a way to help people realize the difference between the two. This was what our study was about. We particularly chose this horror aspect of it because this was one topic that caught like wild-fire. Kids couldn’t stop themselves from thinking. Their imaginations evolved quite rapidly. It was perfect for a simple study to see how the brain activities changed as the ideas grew more life-like. We believed we could find out when fear turns into fright…a dream into reality. There was a thin line between the two and we were making progress.

The drug administered that put them to sleep induced state magnified the stimulations already present in the specific regions of the brain…which in turn amplified the senses to make it feel as if they were actually seeing things they imagined. We monitored all the vital signs as well as the brain scans mapping the activities during the event. Just to make sure of kid’s well being, there was always a watcher present in their dreams, blending in the background…observing. If abnormality was present, watcher would pull them out of their dreams instantly.

Using a serum to extremely heighten their senses…was something we weren’t going to apply in this experiment being that they were just kids. But when the experiment results were so close and seemed yet so far away we decided to try it out on one. The stories had manifested into quite a horror story…we recorded every story he dreamt of, every conversation he had with his friends. The dreams manifested his worst fears. As the serum took effect, the dreams became more illusive, more frightening. There was total chaos in his thoughts. The ideas weren’t as seamless as before.

It was going fine in the beginning but as he progressed into his own story, he started to lose sight of what’s real. He knew he had created this, that it was not real but his senses were pushing him towards the brink, the line had been crossed…the brain activity data soared. He was perspiring heavily…heart rate was uncontrollably high. The watcher wasn’t able to keep up with him. The surrounding chaos didn’t help matters much. His brain had taken it all to be real. He died trying to escape his own dream. The watcher awoke as he watched him holding this fragile child in his hand as his life slowly faded away…taking with him his dreams. Nothing was ever the same again after that.

My try at short story....I'll have to rethink this one...

And Yet...

2010-06-18T16:36:00.002-04:00

Beauty of the world surrounds you,
Yet you experience no such colors...
Crowd of people share their news,
Yet you hear only those of losers...

Gush of waves tell of their wonders,
Yet you think only of their struggles...
The human emotion show no borders,
Yet you see it separated in bubbles...

Sea of butterflies scream of freedom,
Yet you only read of those in prison...
Crafted songs voice people's wisdom,
Yet you fear of it not being in unison...

Blue Sky shows a boundless horizon,
Yet you know of only the restriction...
Our earth basks in the glow of the sun,
Yet you only think of the UV-radiation...

Obsolescence

2010-06-07T17:53:00.002-04:00

A fire without the air,
A person without the ties...
Hiding beneath the lair,
Journeying with a guise...

A rose without a thorn,
A person without the spite...
Trying hard not to be torn,
Holding it in all too tight...

An ocean without the tides,
A person without a passion...
Engorged in massive ties,
Forceful on a set mission...

A wave without a motion,
A person without emotion...
Achieving a lasting notion,
Persona towards deletion...

Mind Over Matter

2010-06-03T17:26:00.000-04:00

Tears fall within the heart,
Yet a smile covers a face.
Eyes always a sensual flirt,
Tragedies leave no trace.

With the mind over matter,
The pain is nowhere near.
Dreams don't really shatter,
Beneath the looming fear.

Peace and calm reign over,
Meditating near the beach.
With a help of a good singer,
Harmony is within a reach.

An Excerpt From A Notebook...

2010-05-24T19:45:00.002-04:00

There are days when I lie down in the freshly cut grass on top of a hill...in the stillness of the night...and just be totally absorbed in the distant twilight. The faint glow spawns vivid memories that are embedded deep within the crevices of the intricately designed brain of mine. I gaze at the stars and without recognition I notice myself humming a tune that is strangely familiar and yet totally unfamiliar.

It's nostalgic even!!...giving me a sense of something tangible. Suddenly...I realize my watery eyes.

I stop humming and yet I continue to hear the tune...LOUD and CLEAR...

Soft breeze passes by...blowing locks of my hair towards my face. It feels like someone just ruffled up my hair....That nostalgic feeling takes over me once again.

The forgotten memories from long ago...

Another swift smooth breeze sweeps past again and it feels like someone just parted my hair exposing the glowing brown eyes hidden within...the gentle breeze felt almost like a soft hand grazing past my forehead.

The tune reaches its height. My gaze completely in tune to the stars and yet what I see are not just the stars...but a vivid scene replaying right in front of me. There...in the background is that strangely familiar tune playing and I feel the soft whispers in my ears...inaudible and yet audible. It's so hard to explain...

The rustle of the leaves add to the strange sensation... I am sitting by the tree on the top of the hill on that particularly quiet night...similar to today...only difference is that there is my parents sitting just beside me...embracing me as I enjoy the twinkling of the distant stars with a smile on my face.

The memories of those lost whispers...an unforgotten promise they had made...to never leave me alone...
I stare at the distant stars with my vacant watery eyes...and those whispers grow louder...
WHISPERS of the promise they had made so long ago...to leave an imprint forever tacked on in the distant universe...that from there they will be watching over me as I grow old.

Those sweet whispers that is suddenly fading away as the wind slowly migrates away from this hill...silencing the once exuberant rustles amongst the leaves. This unbearable silence extends...enveloping me...crushing that nostalgia...and I no longer hear the tune.

Those ever so precious whispers...that unforgettable tune....Oh how I long for it to not fade away...

I try to hum like before...wishing to be not left alone for just a moment longer....just a MINUTE longer....
But no voice come out from my mouth...no external sounds are audible even...it's as if suddenly there is an existence of a vacuum that previously didn't exist...

The place that brought me so much joy once...suddenly stopped being one and the tears consumed my once watery eyes and continued to flow...FLOW like a rampant river during the massive flood...

Lost in the Bubbles

2010-04-20T17:05:00.002-04:00

Forged in the instance of chaos
Voids open in the endless seas

Swallowed thru with eyes wide
Familiarities of human existence

The atrocities that's left unseen
The suffering that's been hidden

The lonely cries that's lost hope
The events that's been ignored

In the depth of the seas they lie
Buried...hidden...lost...unheard

Souls ever marred by injustice
Outcry to be lost in the bubbles

Spirits of the Damned

2010-04-15T19:09:00.002-04:00

Silence deafens the room
as one hastens to escape
Chilling fear rise from gut
with the echoing screams

Hiding beneath a shadow
carrying a stench of blood
Awaits an unknown beast
spirits that lurk in the dark

Strange aura exudes fume
from an approaching gate
Panic within...surge forth
without a hope of escape

Deeper into the darkness
the footsteps seem louder
Awaiting the sweet arrival
the spirits of the damned

Encroaching My Space

2010-03-01T19:58:00.004-05:00

You're encroaching my space!!!!!!! says one.....

Oh come on!! gimme a hug!!! says another.... :-P

Aarrrrggggggggggggggghhh!! get away from me!!! **If it only weren't from my roots!! :'-(

It's Not Friday!!!! (Sighhhhhhh*)

2010-02-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

yeah so it's thursday. I am sleepy!!
I have tons to read and figure out!!
Should I just list all the things I have to do? I fear that it would never end.

So!!!!! I was reading an article about people who are unconscious (to be precise...people who are in a vegitative state). They might be able to communicate with them!! Whoaaaa... it wasn't that earth shattering news..we always knew that their brain was still active. But if we can read the electrical signals accurately and the patients are able to communicate..then viola!!! we would no longer have to worry about family members deciding to pull the plug. There is a person right there!! Although, I wonder if they would understand that they are in that condition and clearly be able to make the decision. It's still a cool concept though. But then, would they consider this euthanasia now? Although they are in vegitative state now they now find out that they can hear you and understand you...so them making a decision would be like suicide?? You've seen it in the movies...now it's almost a reality!!

It's Monday? Oh NOooooooooo!!!!!

2010-02-01T15:40:00.009-05:00

So!! Should I sit myself down with a shrink? Isn't it like talking to yourself? question and answer session with the self!! Though I guess the shrink don't really badger you with infinite questions.

I had a crazy dream today. I mean literally crazy!!! Sometimes I wonder how the brain even comes up with topics of such craziness. I wake up after a mere couple of hours of sleep (of course I have this feeling that I woke up during as well) which seemed like long long time. Maybe that's why I feel refreshed? Well at the time when I woke up... I felt refreshed...because I literally couldn't fall back to sleep. Now that six hours have passed...I think I can confidently say...I feel like crap!!

This does not however help with my reading. Why I didn't try to read some more when I was wide awake? Well to say that I tried would be a lie since I didn't really put that much effort on it. But I did try later when it was around the time when my alarm was about to go off. So that covered about a couple of pages??..ok ok TWO to be exact!!!

I don't drink coffee...but I have a cup that I brought to work thinking maybe ...just maybe a cup of tea might work at situations like these? The line is a perfect match to how I felt right when my alarm went off today and realized it only would go off on weekdays. It's Monday? Oh, Noooooooooooooooo!!! Yeah so there it is... I feel miserable. My eyes especially!! They dont want to stay open...although my head is whirring by like the engine in the car. Everytime I try to read..it goes off on a tangent and everything I am reading is turned into mashed potatoes!! Ummm Yumm!! I could use that right now! I am hungry too..now that I think about it.
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yeah and lunch time comes and goes...and you grab and go like the store suggests. It's just perfect anyway as it is I am no mood to talk to anyone. Bunch of things are filling my head right about now...from 'going home and taking a nap' to 'bunch of jumbled variables trying to fill up a bottomless bowl of alphabet cereal' to even 'no mashed potatoes' at the stupid grab n go. *Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....*
What else is new!!

I have a can of pepsi sitting in front of me...but it's so dang cold...the thought alone of cold liquid coursing thru my body gives me the chills. The look outside the window is almost always a deception...gives you a total misconception of the true situation waiting to grab at you the instant you step out of that door. [Last time...I was wondering why I couldn't open the door on a gorgeous sun-filled day (as seen from the glass door inside)!!! Then as I make a crack, I was blown (almost literally) by the 50mph freezing wind!! Oh boy it was freezing!! My face felt like it was going to drop after becoming a icicle. I can almost imagine a drips of water from the roof turning into icicle as it fell to the ground with a CRACK!! TANKLE...TANKLE..BOOM??? Although with this wind the icicle probably would fly around a bit before cracking into a million pieces! ] There I go again!! Lotsa tangents I am creating right now!! Back to where I was .... I guess that's one of the options in my plate...stepping out the door. It's sure to wake me up and bring me back to reality!! I KNOW this and yet I don't make the slightest bit of effort to get up from this seat as if I am glued to it. Maybe I am??? I had to ask that to myself :-P

So anyway!!! my sweet adorable kitty is sneezing. I wonder if it's some allergy or the unstable temperatures that's getting to her as well like it happens with people. As I enter the building I hear people sneezing coughing...it's amazing how the changes in the weather messes with your body. I don't see any other symptoms on my kitty though...just some sneezes here and there. Although I did notice some deeper sneeze today like as if her nasal pathways were a bit congested. I should see if she improves a bit right? In the mean time is there some home remedies that might help? Don't have a clue what else to do other than of course run to the vet and them maybe hand out some antibiotics. Any advice from the cat owners (or those knowledgeable of cats) are welcome by the way. :-D

So while I was browsing here and there I finally found a good background picture of zangetsu!! Isn't he a cutie!!

One of those Days....

2010-01-31T16:33:00.003-05:00

So!!! here I am trying to read some stuff. It's the weekend and it's about the only free time I get when it comes to do some serious reading to catch up on stuff. Why is it so hard to get motivated when it comes to this???

I am doing everything else other than what I am supposed to do. I even had like 20 course meal :P (well that's maybe to compensate for the cold), listen to music, watch anime, catch up on korean soaps, movies, went for a walk, exercise, ecetera...ecetera...

I even tried to keep myself locked in a room...and here I am opening the laptop and typing!! OH NO!! OH NO!! (Who says that!! :P)

Well when you know it's the end of the weekend and the effort has been futile... there is nothing much else to do except get a glass up wine..chill back...and relax!! Right? :P Who knows maybe I am trying way too hard..... I am gonna end it here and say Cheers!!!!! to a wonderful weekend!!!

And just when I thought it was just me....guess what the horoscope says...

"You may feel reality catching up with you now that karmic Saturn is squaring your key planet Pluto. You know that change is possible, even necessary, but it could seem too overwhelming today to do anything about it at all. If it feels like you have bitten off more than you can chew, declare a temporary moratorium to give yourself some downtime. You'll have a better chance to meet your deadlines if you take a break to replenish your energy."

Why fight it !!! give in give in!! right (at least for today :P)

An Unforeseeable Link

2010-01-08T17:22:00.001-05:00

The rhythmic fall of the snow flakes...
The seeping sadness of one's face.

Flurries of ashes covering the skies...
Burnt images from the lingering ties.

Trickling of the tears down the eyes...
Intermingling with the snow's sighs.

Floundering upon the sudden blast...
Boosting one to awaken from past.

Like the petals of cherry blossoms...
The flakes sparkle with a shiny sun.

Slowly and steadily it hovers in front...
Bringing brighter prospects..at last.

Hello Kitty!!

2009-10-01T19:48:00.008-04:00

Who could say 'No!!!' to such a cutie!!! (4weeks Awwwww......soooooooo adorable!!) ~^_^~

12 weeks!! Playing with her pal...
Playful and soooo sweet too!!. 6 months (and all grown up)...after spaying. Drugged and sleepy
After withdrawal relaxing

Newport Mansions, RI

2009-07-25T18:02:00.012-04:00

Random Pictures from CT

2009-07-18T09:18:00.028-04:00

Inner Demons

2009-06-06T19:37:00.001-04:00

Aching for some salvation
She lies awake...shaking cold.
Dreading the realm of dreams
Stark fear forces her to fold.

Pushing away dark thoughts
A small relief puts her at ease.
Bringing a wave of longing...
Deep longing for some peace.

Filled with her inner demons
The realm cast dark shadows.
Awaiting to grasp hold of her
As those eyes long to close.

Haunting thoughts encroach
As reality slips by her slowly.
Strong reprisal grasp on firmly
As unrelenting sleep approach.

Italia

2009-04-19T15:58:00.022-04:00

Sketching Pleasure...

2009-03-14T08:53:00.006-04:00

These days I am in no mood to lift a pencil...I wonder why?? Am I getting spoiled by having a computer? :P Maybe that's what it exactly is. All the time you wanna do something...you always type it somewhere. It give you the ease of not having to erase something then go back and retrieve it if you wanted it back again.

Although for drawing...it's not the same case with me. I don't really have a graphic pad...and even if I did, I don't know what the result will be from that. I like the pen and pencil approach to it for now. But it's just that I have to get into the mood to do anything. Why can't I just start anytime anywhere... It's not something I hate doing!! Getting started (for me) has always been a problem... But once I get started, I can get going.

Anyway...since I had decided long ago to at least draw once a year if not more!!!....here's one as a result...
Plus I kinda have a witness...so can't really back out right? :P (Ya Right!!)
Happy Birthday Dude!! Hope you're enjoying your day!!...

So the "all famous" question....Maybe I am slowly improving? :P Ah well...whether I am or not...it's something I still enjoy. It is kind of refreshing!! Like drinking coke when you have been craving for it for so long...

One Questions. . .

2009-03-10T16:43:00.008-04:00

Confined in a tiny place,
Separated from the society.
One questions of a belief,
A tradition of an ancestor.

Forced into the darkness,
Purity of one at challenge.
One questions of a thought,
The divinity of a child birth.

Bounded from the lights,
The warm rays of the sun.
One questions of humanity,
The cruelty to a newborn.

In the time of most need,
Thrown aside as a dirty rag.
One questions of existence,
The existence of a God.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!!

2009-03-09T19:45:00.004-04:00

Yeah... Just when the sun is finally shining and you think the winter is over ....the snow storm hits.
~.^_^.~ You can't help but smile!!

Here are some pics of the wonderful summer weather!!
Although the game was total lame...

Happy Valentine's Day Folks!!!

2009-02-13T17:48:00.003-05:00

So yeah!!! Friday the 13th is almost nearing the end and since most of you who are reading this is still doing well enough to read this... :-P I probably am safe to assume that you all have already probably had the worst luck (or the best :-P depending on what you believe) of the day.

With that said...Now... we can get ready to celebrate the passing of the supposedly unlucky day!! and continue on with the special day with your valentine....

There is a day for everything these days! You look it up in google or wiki even and you are most likely to find a some kind specially named day for every day of the year...although I am not saying that with 100% guarantee :-P I haven't thoroughly researched that yet! :-P

Anyway, I personally don't get too excited about any day that doesn't give me a day off from work or school (whatever my occupation might be at the time). The main reason is that you just don't get that satisfaction of spending the whole day with family and friends. If you go to work and then do something later in the evening (even if it is special in some way), it just is not the same as having a holiday you know... I know...I know...I am just complaining :-P But then, that's my job!!

Here's a little something for A Sweet Valentine...

Wandering Around Washington DC

2009-01-05T18:28:00.020-05:00

So...I decide to wander a bit around town on a unusually warm winter day. I was hoping to start clicking away with my camera like any tourist would...all day long too!!...but an unexpected surprise was waiting for me just around the corner!!

Guess what?? My battery dies out on me in the middle of clicking spree!! :'-(
(What a sad sad thing!!)

3D World!!
Natural History Museum

Crystal Growth
Interesting Sculpture
All famous Hope Diamond!!

Tired...

2008-12-14T00:20:00.002-05:00

I am so tired...so so... very tired!!

Is it the lack of sleep?...I wonder...

It surely is way... past my bedtime and yet I am not asleep!!!...considering I haven't slept the previous days. Insomnia has caught me again it seems.

The candle light has been burning all night long...giving off its spring time aroma in the dead of cold winter. The flickering of the light can capture one's attention at times with it's play on the effects of the shadows. With the perfect music...it's almost like watching the opera!!

As the night passed on...the waning illumination from the dying flicker of the candle created an eerie feel to the room. The spring time aroma suddenly seem to have dissipated into the darkness...perfect for the tragic ending to the story!!

Renaissance Faire

2008-11-22T16:18:00.021-05:00

A Helping Hand of a Friend

2008-10-22T18:07:00.001-04:00

You offer me your shoulders to lean on,
When the strength on my legs give out.
With a reassuring smile you stand on by,
To be the strength when I am in doubt.

You offer your ears with undue patience,
When I pour out all my worries and woes.
With a box full of tissues in your hands,
Your kind words keep me up on my toes.

You offer me a place...a place to cry onto,
When I fall apart right before your eyes.
With a comforting hug, you hold on tight
To help let go of myself with no more lies.

You offer a safe haven out of the shadows,
When fear keeps shrouding me to no end.
With recognition of suffering on my face,
You extend out a helping hand of a friend.

Gillette Castle

2008-10-11T16:02:00.017-04:00

So who is this Gillette? Well he's the actor who played Sherlock Holmes!!

He seems to have loved custom made stuff... All the furnishings inside the castle are hand carved and the mechanisms for all the doors, windows, etc. seems to have been intricately designed to be operated with ease and minimum effort. He loved trains....so all switches mimicked switches in the old style trains. Here are some few pictures of his fantastic home...

Picnic area...

the castle from the front...
Hallway lights...
Lock and key mechanism...(close-up)
Figurine Collection...
Secret short-cut passages from top room to the main room corridors...
Main room...
Each major entrance has spying glass (mirrors) to see guests in other rooms...
Close-up of spy mirror...
Designed Lights...
Intricately designed doors... (Every door's lock and key mechanisms are unique)
Earthquake proof bookcase...

What a view...

Gravity of a Single Tear

2008-09-18T17:03:00.002-04:00

A tiny tear drop escaped slowly,
the last of those dried up eyes…
Within it…was immense sadness,
and its weight...one could not bear.

In slow motion...it dragged on,
as if imprisoned within a bubble…
Slowly disseminating emotions,
those...so long being held back.

Down its path...it evaporated,
diffusing the once inflicted pain…
Soaked up it was...on its way,
lessening the imposed burden.

A sigh of relief in those tired eyes,
eyes that once held such a tear…
A tear that kept still…the burdens,
sadness that it once shielded.

Random Pictures

2008-08-23T09:50:00.011-04:00

Interesting Article ...

2008-08-17T18:35:00.002-04:00

So I was bored to death with a serious headache.... Thought about watching some movie and came up with a movie called 'Via Darjeeling'. Okay... yeah it's a movie about buncha people telling stories and repeating over and over!! OH GAWD!!!!! My head is about to EXPLODE! So then I starting browsing through igoogle...and this one title caught my eye instantly!! "How Death by Cubicle Works' :D Of course I wasn't gonna read the whole thing :P I just found the first two paragraphs funny....as it is soo true!!

It's an interesting read...so I thought I share it with everyone/someone/noone/anyone!! :D

When the aliens come down from outer space to colonize Earth and imprison all humans, they might be surprised and confused by how humans live their lives. Day after day, we wake up at ungodly hours and put ourselves through long and dangerous commutes, all to sit in a death trap for upwards of eight or nine hours. And what is this death trap? Why, it's the innocuous-looking cubicle, home to about 40 million working North Americans [source: Newsham]. And all of them face death each and every day to do their jobs.

Colorblind/Stone/Getty Images
Another one bites the dust.

Maybe you think death is too strong of a word; after all, the typical cubicle dweller doesn't do anything dangerous on a regular basis. It's not as if desk jockeys are out fighting fires, defusing bombs or crab fishing in Alaska. But these workers do face health risks above and beyond staff meetings so boring they'd make anyone want to swallow staples one by one. Your health can be largely dependent on your environmental comfort, which is determined by whether your immediate space meets basic physical, functional and psychological needs [source: Vischer]. As we'll see in this article, the cubicle fails on all three counts.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/death-by-cubicle.htm

Niagara Falls

2008-08-15T17:41:00.013-04:00

One of those Dear Diary Moments...

2008-08-11T15:36:00.002-04:00

So I thought...today...I should start out with a little more personal touch.

Dear Diary... (or is it Blog? :-P)

Today is just like any other "Garfieldy" Mondays... How sad is it to start a day with a sentence like that? It wasn't of course planned out like that (by no means!!!). I was planning on sleeping "On time" and "getting plenty of rest" to start a brand new week. But then, just like Garfield would, I wake up yawning groggily with a long stretch...too lazy to move out of the bed. I could hear the leaves rustling in the trees just outside and of course this is not at all helping me get out of bed any quicker. It was slightly darker than usual with a cool air pushing through the windows which resulted in me cuddling up with the ever-so-soft-blanket...pushing me to deep slumber instantly. Next moment my consciousness... was when I hear the melodious serenade oozing off my cell phone. Shoot!!... I was late!! But then what's late? I guess I could call in sick and I won't be late anymore, right? :-P

It started out with the light rain on a freshly cooled grounds. Rain drops mixed with a dash of pollen on the car windshield that made a puree like substance at the edges when the wipers did its dutiful bidding at the press of a switch. (Seems like a start of a great story...but to your disappointment (or not) I won't be writing one... :P)

The fresh morning breeze came with a whirl blowing in through the windows the instant I rolled it down to get rid of the misty/steamed up windows from the previous day's heat. There is something about the morning air that wakes me up even in a mornings like today. The only thing is...it doesn't last very long. The instant I enter the office, it's Hello Garfield all over again. Maybe it's all the Garfields at work that give me some sort of consolation...a feeling that put me at ease...

In a hazy dreamlike state, I mutter hello..mornin' here and there as I walk past the rows of mundane cubicles and as if I had been walking with no rest for months I literally collapse in my chair with a long Sigh!!.... Just one of those Mondays!!

So anyway... Enough of talk about the mondays!! Just reading or should I say writing this makes me feel more sleepy!! There was a somewhat funny incident (well maybe not so funny) one evening. I have the tendency ( I have no idea why?) to kick the door open if I have things in my hands. Well even if I do have my hands free, I kick the door open :P (maybe it's entertaining!!) Anyway so one day I was opening the door like that and guess what?? a person was sitting by the door outside in the stairs talking on the phone!! :S I mean who does that? Even if I wasn't kicking the door like a nutcase, they are bound to be hit right? (or am I making excuses?) The guy was looking at me like I am totally Nutz!! Phew!! I didn't kick it really hard:P He jumped out the way just in time. I couldn't help but find it funny for some reason though...maybe at my own surprise and his as well. But with my ever so serious face I muttered an apology and walked away. I am sure the next conversation on the phone no doubt was about a psychopath trying to kill him :-P. Well there goes my fun now!! :S :-( So sad!! ...will have to wait till they get a see-through door maybe :-P

MMmmm... the dark chocolaty delight!! It's like drinking 10 coffee's (as if I would know that right? :P Shhhh...). Anyway it gave me the super energy burst to get out the garfieldy mode, you know what I mean!! Now guess what though? I can write some more crappy stuff :P LOL Okay ok... I won't bore you with my mundane life story :P....but I am writing in my diary!...Duhhh!!!! It means I am talking to myself :P in a weird looney sort of way.

And ...Here...We... Go......!! AGAIN! :-P

Break Away

2008-07-30T21:36:00.001-04:00

Chains of fire grew to ensnare me,
Dragging me down with such haste…
Unimaginable hatred boring deep,
As thoughts overcrowded within me…

As if engulfed in a huge vacuum,
Others' voices drowned my own…
Suffocation immobilized my actions,
As I bore the world on my shoulders…

Anger intensified as fear restricted me,
Uncontrollable surge rose within…
As my knees gave way to breakdown,
Unable to withstand external forces…

Imbalance at hand, bracing for impact,
Gaining momentum to break away…
Away from chaos, the depths of hell,
Anger fated for destruction, A savior!!

complaint of the day ~.^_^.~

2008-07-28T17:53:00.002-04:00

So you would think that people can be good right? okay maybe you won't...after all...human can't be distinguished by one word.. Good or Evil...since most likely they are combination of both. But we all know most of the place in the world (all) has a patriachial society. Men bashing day for me today :-P

Sometimes in life you just meet too many men (If I am permitted to generalize...to sum it all up....they are the scums of the earth). Truly....and now that the women are trying to be like them to gain THEIR respect...(which shouldn't be needed...they sud be treated with respect neway...that should be a given) (might I add by being like the men... women are choosing the wrong way to do things...but I guess it's what they found that worked a bit?)... they (men) find it a excuse to blame them (women) for being outrageous and not see that fact this whole concept came from them!! :-P Quite ironic...

Okay Done! :-D...now those of you who are men and reading this...don't tie yourself in such a big knot aite? :-P You mite forget how to get loose again :-P (Just tryna help :P)

In order to survive in this world you have to manipulate all things so that it works toward your benefit. Being hung up on your ideals of being righteous and kind and loving person etc etc will be the downfall of your life. Live n Learn...I suppose that's the key!! There are tons of SLEEZEBALLS out there...so be aware y'all. They have adapted the technique of a chameleon... :-P

Blue- Eiffel 65

2008-07-20T14:22:00.001-04:00

Well it is a old song ... but what the hey !!

Glimpse of the Fireworks

2008-07-13T12:17:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately...I don't know how to upload videos properly and it cut off the rest :P Ah well!!

Random Pictures

2008-07-13T11:57:00.010-04:00

Irritation...

2008-06-27T16:08:00.002-04:00

I am so tired and I can feel the irritation boiling up inside. I can see it oozing off outward....I have no control over it....as I can't seem to prevent it from happening. I can see myself just about kicking my computer!! ( or anyone near me :P ) I think this is the time when you just have to call everything off and ask yourself one very important question... IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? Enough is enough...right?

Mumbo Jumbos...

2008-06-25T17:30:00.001-04:00

Why is it that things just go out of phase after a while. At one point, I was so into blogging then all of a sudden now it feels like it became sort of a chore (not really:P i don't do chores at all). I don't have any sort of hobby at all. Everything...I kind of do it at random...so then it's not a hobby is it? Hobby would be something that you would love doing any time...actually you would even make time to do it. There is no way...blogging would never come close to being a hobby but I was just throwing out an idea :P

Here I am stuck with deadlines...AGAIN!!. Why is it that I am always hurrying to catch up to things at the end? I guess I am prone to procrastination still...even when I am not in school :S Wow ..that brought bad stressful moments of those school years :S Just what I didn't want to remember!! Anyway, I am tired as hell and this time chocolate bars ain't doing me no good. Hmm maybe COKE? :P I would try Red Bull ..but it reminds me of Dr. Pepper way too much. I remember the first time I tried Dr. Pepper. I had just come to US and they had given me Dr. Pepper on the way home from airport. I can still taste it ... Gross!!! It tastes like one of those Flintstones multi-vitamin tablets for kids :S I don't understand why anyone would like that. I guess it's one of those ACQUIRED tastes like Gin.. Drinking Gin is like drinking a bottle of perfume!! :S

Anyway....what was I getting at? Ah well ... I lost my trend of thoughts. So... Guess what? I started getting stupid telemarketers call in my cell now!! :S Just when I was getting happy with getting no calls on my cell...I start getting random calls. My home phone's answering machine is filled with robots talking :S Talk about spammers...it's not even real people anymore. I check my messages...and it's all "This call is for aeeyyeesaa bladeedaahh... if you are not this person erase the message as it is not intended for you......". Talk about annoying!! Well at least on that one I don't have to check it....as no one I know would call that number. But now even the cell phone!!! :S And I just read somewhere that they have no way to block them either....like they do with those internet spams.

Anyway, enuff of mumbo..jumbos... time to get back to work :P

Peace Yo!!

Cries That Have Gone Unheard

2008-06-24T18:45:00.002-04:00

Stillness remained in the desolate land…
Lost were those stories of a horrid past.
Unforgivable and yet wiped a clean slate…

Once forgotten, remained still engraved…
Fossils, like the stories etched in stones.
Never to be lost, like was intended to be…

Though seemingly lost, memories lived…
Emotions existed, trapped in hallowed trees.
Wraith-like insignia of past...lingered on…

Forgotten souls...unspoken ghastly acts…
Scratched remaining…acts of desperation.
In unison, screams echoed with the wind…

Soil, once laden with blood...grew forth…
A new beginning...a new innocence.
A new soul latched with history, deep within...

Unending transfer of truth, cycled thru…
Thru bloody red petals of the dark-hued rose…
Thru whispering rustles between the leaves…

Disappearing fossils spouting forth hints…
Asking to be heard, pleading to anyone…
Of horrible mistakes that ought not to repeat.

Awesome Video

2008-06-17T20:09:00.003-04:00

the movie was cool too ~.^_^.~

...Blabberings of a mortal

2008-06-17T17:41:00.007-04:00

Did ya think I wouldn't be able to come up with another corny title? :P Boo ya !!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misty morning...
Fog...covered half of my world.
Tired....

Beguiled by a peaceful night's sleep.
As slowly as it possibly could...
Mist started to dissolve before my eyes,
Uncovering...what's hidden underneath.
Forbidden territory...

I stand still...
...path unwinds itself up ahead.

Endless...
Seems to disappear and merge with the fog.

Stillness of all things...
Hesitantly erect I stood.

With a swift turn of my feet...
I faced in opposite direction.

Unwilling to step forth,
Unhopeful of foreseeable outcomes...

No thrill of adventure...
Nor that of excitement remained...
As anxiety grew incorrigibly.

Misguided by rumors...
Misconception of a future hindered my path.

I walked away...
To the known world...
As unknowns remained still.

Untouched and waiting...
Clouded as ever...
Hidden it remained.

Summer Beginnings...

2008-06-14T15:48:00.010-04:00

It's finally time to come out of the long-long hibernation...

Basketball man !! ta-ta-ta-da!! :P

Quincy Market... Great hall to dine n chill...

Together we will walk the great city of boston...(even if the pigeons sit on our heads :D)

Follow the freedom trail...

Duck Tours... (do we get to go on the water too?)

City with lots of history...

Wanna climb the 295 flight of stairs to the top? (Too bad ...it's too hot!! CLOSED!)

Stand Back!!! (It's all mine :P)

SLOW start on a SLOW day...

2008-05-27T17:41:00.002-04:00

After a while it makes you wonder if you're actually moving slower to make it a even slower day. Moving like a sloth while everything else around is moving at a snail's pace. Yeah my mind seems to get carried away a bit at times... Laa Dee Dahh... I am in a super La La land.... The birds are chirping...bees are buzzing...squirrels are chasing the acorns...on a bright sunny breezy cool day :P

YA RIGHT!!!!

......STOP Interrupting!!! This is a La La Land for a reason!! Duhhhh!!

Slow starter...
There is fire but it's just not catching ON as you expect it (you know what I mean)
Today... I had just fallen asleep and then I dreamt that a bird had sneaked into the room after leaving the window open (humming bird I was saying to myself as if I was talking to myself). It was a little bird...smaller than a sparrow ...what else could it be right? :P Black n white dreams u know... give me a break :P
It was hovering above me and I was sleeping :S Now what the heck was that? Then the bird finally finds its way out and I was about the close the window when all of a sudden I hear a buzzing noise.. :S Beee?? right in front of my face?? (I hadn't gotten up yet...I was thinking of getting up as I was super sleepy you know :P)
Then I wake up ....slapping my hands crazying as to ward off scary scary thing :P only to find out it was dream :S I thought I was awake :P Go figure!! I wonder if was making the buzzing noise :P Snore Snore :P (although this by no way mean I am intentionally admitting that I snore :P LOL)

Neway it was humid with the rain pouring outside....didn't help me sleep any better. Reminds me of those back to school days when you stay awake all night and sleep on and off. Only back then...you did that on purpose!! How the things change as you get older :P

Today feels like MONDAY...long weekends just spoils you doesn't it? :P Hmmm...reminded me of an old old song that went....
....Wish it was Sunday....
.....coz it's my FUNDAY!!.....bla bla bla :P
Well I guess you could have figured out the title of the song if I had put a little bit more of the lyrics but touche... NO CAN DO!! My memory doesn't allow for such miracles!!

Even though I complain :P I love rain....
At least I don't need to wash my car of that silly pile of pollens you know :P But then I think it needs to pour harder next time...:P....(today was more like rats and mice....it needs to be elephants and horses maybe :P )..... it was layered thicker than I thought!!!

Spring is Finally Here ...

2008-05-18T15:02:00.008-04:00

Rose Garden it was and yet I saw no roses :P (Hence no pictures of roses!) Guess I shouldn't complain :D At least it wasn't buzzing with bumble bees :D Phew...thought I was gonna be chased away from their sweet heavenly nectar !!
Although I must confess, I did dodge a few :P

Drifting Away...

2008-04-28T17:11:00.003-04:00

Drifting....
That's what it all seems like...
I am drifting through space and anyone or anything that bumps in my path is ......
They exist and they don't at the same time.
I stare blankly off into space...as if there is something of intense aura that's capturing my attention
......and yet..... I know not if it really does.
My mind is drifting away.............while my bodily presence exist to show the surroundings' of my existence.
It's as if a drone of me is left behind to do the daily redundant chores.
Redundancy....
Is that the problem?
..........can't be.... it hasn't become redundant yet.
Dream-like state...
It feels as if I am disconnected from myself. Am I even blinking? Knock Knock!!!
My eyes feel heavy...as if I have not had sleep for ages.
Do I even sleep?...or is it that my body is in slumber while my mind is elsewhere.
Blink*
Spaced out again...
What is it that's going through my mind?
Blank page enters my line of sight...I have no clue what is going on....
It's as if my mind is screaming out with messages that I can't comprehend.
Comprehension....
Do I even try?
...............................I wonder.......................
HELLOOOOO!!! (someone waves their hand in front of my face....)
Instant formation of irritation.....but it vanishes like antibacterial hand sanitzer
Did I fall asleep while typing?......with my eyes open?.....
Eyelids feel heavy as it blinks sloth-like...
sleep...
sleep is what i need...an uninterrupted sleep!!
inturrupted sleep seems to be taking over... tossing and turning
What is it that I am dreaming of? aggravated.....bubbling with emotions I wake up
....as memories begins to fade away leaving behind not relief but this queasy feeling...
a notion that .....................................................
...Drifting...

Random Thoughts...

2008-04-27T08:07:00.003-04:00

Do you think your life is a big circle? Do you believe in reincarnation? Not being born as some other thing in the next life...but what if you are going in a circle. Every time you are born, your memory restarts and you forget everything.

But the thing is...there are always remnant left behind just like when you erase your files in the computer. Maybe 'dejavu' is one of those things you are remembering from your past circle of life. You are born and you live your life until you die...but then you don't realize that you keep doing the same thing over and over like it's your first time.

In that span of life you get this 'de ja vu' sensation that you've done this before but you don't know if it was real or figment of your imagination. Then you don't ponder about it because it's a momentary thing and you let it go as if it was a fluke. What if it isn't? What if you are indeed going through the same thing over and over like it's a program and there's a glitch in the system?

Do you believe in psychics? What if they can remember of the past life more than you? Like the prediction of the big events! They might have remembered those from before... of course this wouldn't explain if they get things right about each and every person that goes to them for readings :D (And you know they don't predict everything right...but then maybe they were 'wannabe' psychics. The real ones maybe don't care about making money by scamming people and maybe they also want to keep a low profile. Maybe that's why they only predict the big things and not get into knitty gritty things of predicting everyone's events. But then there might be some who help people out because they were friends in their previous circle of life.

Because they remember things, the psychics can choose a different path of life maybe. If they choose to, they can do different things to prevent disaster from their previous life. But then wouldn't they get bored? and irritated? LOL... does thinking about this thing in this manner make me a bit loco en la cabeza? :P

Loner’s Anticipation

2008-04-24T18:50:00.003-04:00

A solitary beginning…
with meandering bouts.
One's anticipation within…
growing without doubts.

Loners heavenly fit…
much sought-after peace.
Seemingly a misfit…
placed without any ease.

Yearning of endless paths…
ironically blocked at last.
Much fought-after anonymity…
no longer held steadfast.

Once disregarded strangers…
empathetically bound.
Despair pushed back firmly…
with answers all sound.

Beautiful Day...

2008-03-10T19:19:00.004-04:00

Well...here it begins again...starting a day without the welcoming of the morning by the ever so graceful sun! Lost one hour... I should be well accustomed to it by now as I have been in a country with daylight savings scheme for a while now and yet I STILL wake up all groggy. :-S

Yawnn...yawwnn!! Just another day..(you can hear the excitement in my voice right?) Well the thrill of knowing you have a long day ahead is just '------', (I just have no words to express the feeling). Tick..Tock!...time's ticking away. Work time's in session!!

Here are some pictures on a beautiful and windy day (freezing is more like it :P)...

Memories that Linger...

2008-03-08T05:06:00.004-05:00

Just like the waves in the ocean, some things are unavoidable in life... Memories are part of you and yet sometimes you want to wash your hands clean off of it. Memories that linger are not always a great one. The ones you try to forget are the ones that always seems to stick, I wonder why... Is it because it has had the reverse psychology effect on them? (For so many things, reverse psychology seems to work great: especially things like when someone says, "I want you to not remember this! It's very critical you forget everything I just said". :P ) If not while you're awake...then it comes and bug you in your dreams. Pretty lame!!...considering sleep is mainly for relaxation purposes. Time to utilize some alternative methods :-) Maybe going shopping! :P (Girls supposedly favorite thing to do as a pass-time right? :D I love malls that are humongous!! Of course if they went all out with the designs and setting then it's a bonus. Casinos are designed in that fashion! It's awesome!! I guess the point being them never wanting you to leave there...I suppose it makes sense that they make it attractive to all the people.)

Anyway, time for some music!!

Black Clouds...foretelling the forecast

2008-03-07T17:17:00.003-05:00

Why is it that seemingly every weekend the weather wants to have a field day? I mean...isn't it bad enough that we're cooped up in a cage every day of the week but now we're forced to hideout again in the weekend!! If not T-storms with incredibly high winds, then it's Blizzard!! Come on!! Isn't it time for Spring already? (Daylight saving thing is this sunday I think...we're going to lose hour... I definitely want to see some spring weather!!) It's about due...although I am not an extreme fan of summer :S Well I guess I can't be ever satisfied :P

Bla bla bla...WHATEVER!!! I am too tired today. Too much bla bla bla junk...been quite a long day. Time for things to do that would refresh and rejuvenate me!! Any thoughts you'd like to share? Come on Folks!! My mind has totally shut off on me..and all the ideas I had..have been utilized!! Nothing to go on by anymore :'( (so sad!!).

Calm before the storm or after?

2008-03-06T17:52:00.001-05:00

That is the question folks :P NOT!! It's always hard to come up with topics you know. Sometimes you just want to jibber jabber without a formal title. But then there is the title section and I'm forced to wonder what I should put on it. :S Well there's that... Since I came up with that weird title...why not talk about it a little. So they say there is a sudden calmness felt just before the storm. Is that really true?...to me it always felt like there was a certain calmness right after the storm. People would come out and stare out at the devastation all around them with the look of shock in their faces. Not a word could escape their mouth.... (For a short time...Don't know how long that would last tho!!).

Finally the storm clouds are moving on out! Probably following 'the jeffersons' foot steps :P Good sign I guess...but I had a crazy dream though. Well No!! I don't dream about weather :P I saw people from previous work ... and then the place was being renovated or something (more like it was filled with pudding like things :P....maybe I was hungry :S). It was weird, I wonder where those thoughts came from. I don't really remember dreams all that well so maybe I am mixing up everything and creating a spaghetti out of it. Or maybe it's a mental note to self...that it's time to send a little 'hello' note. :-) Sure has been a while... Time flies! (I have heard of time flying when you're having fun but how about when you're not?) Since I just made that comment about time flying...does that mean I am having a blast? I wonder! :D

So this thought of giving gifts came up when someone decided that I might have some great suggestions on giving gifts to boyfriends. :S LOL....I don't like giving gift!! Call me uncaring...lazy...good for nothing... bla bla junk whatever!! :D I mean why do we have to give gifts..cards...throw parties..bla bla bla? I mean it's not like everything you give them...they're gonna love it you know? (Admit it...you know you've thrown away some things after it had stayed boxed up for years and year. Some may have re-gifted em....Come On!! Confession is good for the soul!! :P) You end up thinking they might like this and that but at the end they might hate it and just keep it because someone special gave it to them or maybe they'll just switch em back :D I would!! (or re-gift em :P Shhhh!!) I mean how would anyone know what you like unless they constantly tell you that they like this this and that right? Like me :P I am not really big on any festivities, celebrations, or occasions...so everything like that is so trivial. I don't care much about or even put any thought into it. Actually I don't even remember anyone's birthday ..even my own family's. Okay maybe that's a sad thing :P but I don't care!!! If I remember, I'll do something ...if not no one is there grieving about it...which is awesome!! I always found that girls were the one who were so into all of this gift giving things and remembering every single things. Since my memory is not all that great (sure signs of getting old :P )...I have always liked the uncaring ways of the guys :P It's awesome...it puts less burden on my shoulder :P Less stress = less gray hairs!!... right ? :D Who would want gray hairs...come on!! Not me!! :P (No wonder guys are so uncaring right? They're afraid of getting bald!! :P) I don't think I need to put it out there how answer to that question turned out :P (So much for that!!)

Laa Dee Daa...

2008-03-05T18:26:00.000-05:00

Change Change Change... Why is there always a change and why are people in general hate change?...including me of course!! I really really hate it. It takes you a while to get accustomed to things and just when you feel comfortable...the change occurs. It's not usually the planned changes that bothers me the most, it's the unplanned ones!! Although change is normal and it's an eventual thing as seen by the progression in the technology and such. :-) Even so, it doesn't make me feel any better! I wonder if there is a way to better handle changes.

Anyway what brought that on? Well here I am assigned to write some papers.. Woohoo!!! (The joy!!) Anyway, every 5 minute they keep on changing formats and what nots!! Every person have their opinions and so on but come on...at least come to a compromise!!! Or do they just love to irritate one another? :P Whatever!!! That's when it's time for me to get some coffee and relax a bit until things settle down a bit so you can take charge and throw a completely insane plan out there so it can start all over again!! :P How fun is that? :D [Gotta keep myself fully entertained at all times you know!! :-)]

Today is another downpour!! This place is great...it seems to match my mood and change it 180 degrees :-) I was reading this book yesterday...and darned if I remember anything! :P Now does that tell me a thing or two about the book? (Quit Quit Quit!!) Well first part was interesting then the author I guess decided it was getting too exciting and kept the readers at the edge of the seat too much so decided to flip the direction completely and bore the heck out of them (This is all hypothetical of course). Since the beginning part was left hanging I am left wondering what happens next you know...so I decided to give it a chance still. :D

Helpless

2008-03-04T18:55:00.002-05:00

Like some volcano that laid dormant,
With its chaotic and random eruptions…
Inner workings of the troubled mind,
Forever is doomed to its erratic actions.

Paralyzing thoughts held steadfastly,
While bolts of lightning spread within…
Thoughts of panic overlapped the mind,
As was once destined for its irregularity.

Seeking voices with sound reasoning,
Worthy logic had no solid institution…
Heavenly abode that remained hidden,
In the depths of the mind forever buried.

Strength for resistance remained elusive,
As motivational seeds saw no light of day…
Precedence came with firing of neurons,
As illusive forms took rapid enactment.

Efforts of resistance seemed rather futile,
As selfish thoughts arose like blazing fire…
Feelings of betrayal constrained all action,
As search for solace involved sacrifices.

Morning Buzz...

2008-03-03T15:53:00.006-05:00

There are times when you start out your day with a heart on fire (no...not a heart attack!!...it could be signs of it tho :S). Anyway...you feel anxious and this irking feeling of 'something is wrong!' hovers about you all day long. Hmm..maybe a cartoonish picture of thunder clouds with occasional lightning following you all day long paints a better picture. :-)

So here I am at the beginning of the day...it hasn't ended yet..'No...not yet!' I try to focus on writing papers...Oh the joy!!...it's oozing out of me..can't you see? That's not really the problem. Things like that get done when it's supposed to be done because you don't really have a choice in the matter. Well I guess you do have a choice...you always do! But when your choices could lead to a disaster!! you don't really have a choice, do you now? No matter how much you want to believe you have a choice in the matter...I don't feel it if I am stuck.

It's a beautiful cold day in mystic!! (Mystic is a cool and catchy name dont' you think so? That's why I decided to use that :P ). The sun is shining..(its daily job :P )...giving the illusion of beautiful summer day. What else can you ask for right? :P Spring is just around the corner!! I see the sun in the morning!!!...you have to enjoy that! ..although I am a fan of walking when the sun is just about coming out but not yet! I guess when the time changes...(woohoo save the daylight!!)...I will have to say goodbye to the bright and sunny mornings...so I decided after much thought (yeah right!!) to enjoy it while it lasts.

Tuesday March 4, 2008

Buzz buzz buzz....The coffee Buzz....and for me Hot chocolate in the morning!! Ahhhh....the sweet aroma!! It's just a thing to give you enough of a push to get the long day started...even though I am not a fan of it :-)

So the cloud from yesterday is still hovering above...but today they brought friends along!!! (Party...I suppose and I am invited!! Woohooo!) Looks like it's going to be a downpour today....well I won't complain though. The temperature is up at least :-) It's the little things in life that makes everything seem worthwhile isn't it?

Everyday you learn new things. And guess what I learned today? There are whole lot of raccoons here in this area. I almost ran over it :S That was a thrill!! :P I guess if you're not awake by then...nothing would wake you up!! (well that might be a bit of exaggeration...or NOT). I wonder if they could be rabid...last time I saw one scurrying past the mail box area :S Well I guess I should be happy that it's not a fox right? Although the possibility of one being around is really high. Just a few days ago...I was so lucky to be engraced by the wonderful perfume of a skunk. :-) I mean who wouldn't love the outdoors? ... it's great!! The chance to experience the live world and fresh air rather than a cube's stale air and contant dull and not to mention fake sceneries that we stick to the wall to pretend we're in paradise!! :P It'd be great to take pictures too. Hmmm...that reminds me...I need to get a camera!! :S List keeps growing doesn't it? :P Well that's why I guess someone invented POST IT notes!! I can stick em all over the place!!! :-)... I'll be buried over it soon it seems.

Wakeful Nights

2008-02-26T20:44:00.001-05:00

I tossed and turned with no relief…
As dreams took a turn for the worst.
Hades from hell imbued mischief…
As sweet dreams were set to burst.

Haunting thoughts brewed with lust…
As remorseless passion left its mark.
Imagination took flight like a gust…
Imbibing far-off rumbles in the dark.

Drenched in sweat, I awoke abruptly…
Only to the reality of the nightmares.
Frightful noises followed deviously…
As elusive scenes filled sleepy eyes.

Attentive of each abrupt movement…
As I piqued my hearing to every hoot.
Arousal was a sudden development…
For wakeful nights were to follow suit.

Beautiful Day to Take Pics...

2008-02-15T21:22:00.004-05:00

Despondent Soul

2008-02-15T19:31:00.003-05:00

You came to me with open arms,
And all I could offer was emptiness.
You gave me a place to belong,
And all that lingered was loneliness.

You showered me with warmth,
And all that crept up was the cold.
You gazed upon me to witness love,
And all I could give was a blank stare.

You asked me to open up my heart,
And all I could muster was a weak hug.
You guided me through the darkness,
And all that aura was of a deserted soul.

You presented me a glimmer of hope,
And all that was present was a huge void.
You guaranteed me of a renewed life,
And all I could offer was a tearful smile.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2008-02-14T15:55:00.004-05:00

So today is valentine's day. I guess you all knew that didn't ya? :P LOL okay okay I'll stop the BS :D (only for now :P). Anyway... I am not really a big fan of it though!! I always forget the days that are important...why should I make this anything special. :P
Hmm... maybe I should write for my sweet valentine :D (Guess who would that be ...:P guess guess!!...okay it was a rhetorical question :D or is it? :P)
Okay here goes my attempt at V-poem :D

Roses are blue (oops i mean red)
Violets are blue (shouldn't violets be violet? :P)
I'd give you red (rose duh!!! :P)
If you'd give me blue!! (:D Isn't that cool?...it rhymed :P)

So on to the more serious stuff... Hmm... So what can be more important that the melting of the ice in Everest !!
Topic of the day is global warming!! Can we do anything about it? If we can ..we better do everything soon...otherwise Nepal will become a huge pond! :S
So on this special day...show some LOVE!!! (Love To Mother Earth!!)
One CAN make a DIFFERENCE when lotsa ones can make millions n more!! We can do something little that can add up to be really big ain't it ? :D
So...show some love ppl!!!

Ignorance

2008-02-13T16:15:00.004-05:00

When the flowers crinkled…
At the mere sight of you,
I swallowed hard…
Hoping you’d not think it’s a fluke.

When the leaves bled…
At the instance of your touch,
I held back my tears…
As if to swallow my own pain.

When the stems sagged…
At the sight of your glare,
I closed my eyes…
Hoping you'd caught on to the clue.

When the roots dried out…
At the twist of your heels,
I opened my eyes wide…
As if to accept your total ignorance.

Dreams

2008-02-06T20:12:00.000-05:00

Do you dream in color? I wonder... I never real thought of that. Of course, it doesn't help when you have hard time remembering any dreams. :P

Dreams are so realistic so it just makes sense to say that yes we do dream in color. The blood you see in the dream is like in real life..so it must have been in color right? But is it really in color? Is our imagination so strong that we believe it's in color?...sometimes while the memory of the dream is still fresh I try to think if the butterfly I saw was really in color...then as it fades away I am left confused whether it really was.

What if you're blind and never seen anything? Do you still dream in color?....do you see images...well I guess you don't since you have never seen what it looked like... The sounds you hear are strong enough to give one a vivid imagination though. I guess the level of intensity you would feel would be the same to give the feeling of life-like situation.

What are dreams? Are they a mere projection of our momentary thoughts?...does it hold a special meaning? ..or is it something that's been hidden deep in your mind? Sometimes your dreams are completely wild....like something out of a movie. Sometimes they are of things that you fear the most... While some people dream of reality, some people dream of fantasy... How would you go about interpreting them? It might give insights to something you are completely unaware of :-) or perhaps not at all....

You know how you get that dejavu feeling sometimes out of the blue? Well sometimes it's because that event did happen previously but there are times when you can't really pinpoint when that really happened...you could have dreamt it at one time but had faded away from the memory....leaving traces here and there. Dreams are so life-like that later on as your memory fades away it's hard to tell what's real and what's not real. It hard to keep track of every little things that happen in life ....

Beginning of a New Year

2008-01-15T17:15:00.000-05:00

The beginning of a new year!! Ok … I am bit late for the beginning but better late than never!!! Isn’t it? Happy New Year 2008 to everyone !!

I guess I was supposed to be making a splash for the new beginning but I decided to tone it down this year. Big splashes create excessive attention and by all means I am no attention seeker.

So with every new beginning you have new ideas and plans...what's mine? Care to take a stab at it? :-P (It was a rhetorical question by the way :P No way would I want you to take a stab at it :D)

Like everyone, I have list of things to do in my official To Do list. Since it's just been a while in the new place...I guess I was bound to have tons of things to do...right? But why doesn't the list seem to go down? Come on!!!...a notch or two down even would make me feel like I was actually doing something!! :S Seems to be increasing rather!! Just my luck!!

I am glad however that I didn't make my resolution to not complain :-) Now that would be a nightmare for the blog wouldn't it and of course all the readers who have to suffer through reading all the blabberings of a looney so-wanna-be-not-writer (Hmmm maybe that would be a blessing rather) :-) Blog probably would want to kick New Year resolution to the edge of event horizon to test its actual luck :P Should she follow it? or not?

Complaining is part of life ... so decision for that would be easy in my case since I love to complain. It's my sole purpose in living!! :P Okay...for some reason... that reminded me of Mr. Burns in The Simpsons... Excellent!! (evil laugh..) :P Springfield ... a small town where everyone knows everyone else. Omg!! That'd be a nightmare!! Although it has its advantages...I'd rather not like know everyone...some is okay.. yeah I am okay with some :D This place I am working at...it's a community in itself...being so huge and all. Everyone knows everyone else because they've been here for so long. So as a newbie...I have no idea who's who and the fact that I can't remember names or faces too easily makes it more entertaining (for me:P...I don't vouch for the others who has to keep repeating who they are :P.... From my experience at least, I have learned that people don't like it when other people don't remember them...even if it is years and years later you meet them again. Go Figure!! I guess everyone likes to feel special and important :D ...so here I am granting that wish for everyone :D I know everyone !!! Woohooo!! ...just don't expect me to call you by your name!! :P...and by the way everyone is important in my book :D)

With that...here are my best wishes to everyone for the 08 year!!
Cheers!!

A Touch of Bliss

2008-01-14T16:45:00.000-05:00

In a calm, cloud-filled day,
You anticipated a drop to lay…
A drop of snow to freeze,
In the cool rhythmic breeze…

Unique shapes of each drop,
Showing its beautiful prop…
Clinging to the clear window,
For window shoppers below…

A flake of snow fall on you,
Leaving behind a rosy hue…
As feelings of mirth broadened,
A smile on your face widened…

Toward the sky you reached,
Wishing for what was missed…
Enjoying each touches of bliss,
As if it's a sweet morning kiss…

Tick...Tock...

2007-12-19T17:11:00.000-05:00

So here I am … I guess I am in no mood to write. On top of that, it is holiday season and you know what that means? .It means even if you wanted to write, you won’t want to write. Ok, ok, that was plain BS there …

Actually, people are taking vacation and disappearing like crazy. Since I don’t have any vacation hours as of today, I am basically stuck here till the end of the holidays. How lame is that? I know…gee wheeze right?

Today really feels like Friday to me, since it is most of my colleagues’ last day before the holidays. I am just waiting here counting of the hours, and minutes…and as the time nears the end…even the seconds are moving like it’s an hour hand!! Stupid sense of time…your mind plays a real trick with you, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I got more piles of junk to read just now. That is lame too…for I have no desire to read. Christmas lunch party was filled with awesome food… so guess what that could mean? I am stuffed and ready to flop any minute. It doesn’t look good for the rest of the day for sure.

Chocolates, you say? Well I thought it would wake me up…but no… it’s having no effects of that sort on me as of this minute. Saying that, I started to write even though I have no particular desire to write hoping that this would be one way to kill time of course!!

Did it work? Seems to be…but don’t make me look at the clock again you know!! That would just override this grand effort of mine. Time’s ticking away and no matter what you say it will still keep on ticking but then… why does it seem to slow down if you keep looking at it? It’s a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it? In reality, of course, you know it’s not…but then why is so hard to make your mind believe it’s otherwise? Ah well…that’s something I no longer want to ponder on about. I got better things to do right? LOL … big AS IF should follow that statement!!

Okay!! So what else is going on with me?

Hmmmm…

Guess nothing interesting!!!

The rule is…if you have to wait and think about it for more than thirty seconds, then most likely there is nothing interesting going on. What say you?

You know what actually… This font is really eye catching, well to me anyway! Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t already closed this document. The more I write, the more I want to keep writing gibberish. I love the capital fonts on this. It sort of reminds me of calligraphy. I wish I knew how to write like this for real!! Maybe, I should give it a shot one of these days!

It looks like I am writing a letter to someone!

Not bad huh?…

Solitary Moments

2007-12-10T16:09:00.000-05:00

Why is it that sometimes you have no desire to talk to anyone? No desire to pick up the phone and say hello...no desire to dial the number...no desire to drop a line...

Is that being selfish? ... wanting to be left alone?

Is that being depressed? (If so, why?)

Why do people come to the conclusion that if you don't want to talk, you are depressed? Can't one just want to be alone to think or do something? Isn't the best work done, when you are left alone?? For example, coming up with a brilliant idea while taking a shower!! Eureka!!! (Not that I have had that happening :P but that's how it is... you think outside the box if you have this luxury of peace and quiet sometimes. Of course I am not saying this happens all the time because many ideas can be formed during times when you bounce ideas from here to there.)

Maybe all I needed was some peace and quiet...without being hounded by anyone querying me of my unusual habits (I wouldn't say this is very unusual in my case tho :P I like to have my own space...to be in the zone!!)

Why do I feel as if I am bombarded with phone calls? I just lose words sometimes...as if everything I have wanted to say has already been said and there is nothing left to say anymore. It's not like it would never come, I mean there's million and one things to talk about...it will come when it will.

Of course calls doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have something to talk about, but it's a PHONE...if you don't talk through it then why are you going to just hold on to it? It's not like being there in person... In person at least if you have nothing to say, you can do other things...there are plenty of options. People calling and having nothing to talk about means a rather awkward silence... If that was going to be so...isn't it better to have not called? or picked up?

Consider a video conference with your friend, now what would it be like if both of you had nothing to say... That's pretty awkward :S I woudn't be fond of standing in front of a camera saying nothing :P I am not much of a talker really unless there is something to talk about of course... :D

Another thing with me is that...if someone calls and I have nothing to say and they have nothing to say....I start getting irritated. Having a conversation should be something natural...something liberating in a way because it should take your frustrations out. It's casual moments where you chill, one should not find it a stressful thing.

What do you do when you can't write when you try to write? You wait for the next day when you're in the mood. That's how everything is...there's a flow to all things you do. You may not recognize it but there's always a flow to everything that's happening. Sometimes you line up with other people's flow and everything seems to go smoothly and sometimes you take a different path of flow and be distant to the original flow of things. That shouldn't mean that something is wrong with you though. Maybe it would seem rude and selfish even to not consider others but is it truly wrong? Wrong to be yourself?

If things you did for fun became like a chore...why would you even want to do anything right? There are plenty of things in the world where you do things because you have to do it. Somethings...should be done for YOU only... The ability to choose is the freedom you have... If there was no options on some little things, I wonder how everyone would be...

In another note...

.... all these things you think you choose for yourself... they are after all a consequence of things. So in a way...maybe you are being led to the path you don't even want. It only feels like you are choosing this path by yourown might...but in reality...that is not really true.

The facade of freedom? At the end...is everything being controlled?.

what matters...

2007-12-08T18:26:00.000-05:00

I guess the hard part to understand about girls from guys is the simple fact of how important the small things can be taken. For so many girls....simple...small things weigh more in value than big things...

From simple things they can find out how much a person really care about them.... I don't know why it's so hard to understand you know... I mean...some things are ok..granted stupid!! ...such as remembering birthday for instance..or the day you first met...those things could be seen as knitty gritty things..and worthless in reality even...but sometimes small behaviors/actions that one cannot really notice can have a great affect on the other person. I am sure everyone has experienced something similar to this...may it be from your partner or from a friend..colleague...acquaintance anyone for that matter. You get hurt by people's negligence ... Something so meaningless could harm a lot to some... I know no one can avoid that!! If I said I have never done that once in my life...that would be lying. After all how would I know what hurt others... Everyone has their own level of tolerance. Maybe I shouldn't even complain about it, because I may have done the same thing to someone in my life. That doesn't mean what happened didn't make me any sadder. ^_^

Why am I talking about this? well... that's another story. I guess, I should just let it go...but for me I guess it does mean a lot you know? Maybe to a lot of people it would seem just cruel...or maybe some even just ignore it like it's nothing...but me? hmmm what can i say... I guess I am one of those people who like to take a little things and turn it into a huge thing :P

Ah well...i think it's messed to not consider how it would impact others on the comments they make... (Maybe I should heed my own words? ) If it was a stranger ... ok I would understand...coz they don't know any better... even if it was acquaintance or distant friends I would care less....but from someone you actually care about??...it's just a bit too hard to swallow.

I guess that's how life is... touche'...
live and learn to ignore...
or
live and do something if u can do something about it rather than Bsing here in the blog right? :P

I know I know...I got it...

Freedom worth Cherishing

2007-11-19T20:48:00.000-05:00

The season of fall was in the air,
I noticed myself changing colors.
Ready to depart the only life-line,
To be bounced around the skies.

As the cool wind blew past me,
The heavy burden was being lifted.
Refreshing thoughts spawned,
Washing away inner pessimism…

Is it freedom that I breathed in?
Being afloat in the air above?
Without any external pressures,
I felt peace extending deep within.

Freedom to roam about freely,
I sprang from here to there.
Enjoying the uplifting feeling…
Before the end of a short journey.

Fluttering of a Heart

2007-11-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

With an enchanting…yet a subdued smile,
You wandered around the dreamland.
Awaiting a glimpse…just a tiny glimpse,
Of a butterfly that fluttered your heart.

Longingly you gazed upon me calmly,
Eyes filled with fiery passion from within.
With a growing tremble in your heart,
You longed to reach out and touch me.

Enamored and enchanted I seemed…
In a moonlit night skies by the waterfall,
As if communing with the nature…
Things seemingly dissolved around me.

With an extended hand, you reached out…
Bewildered, I stood motionless…watching...
With a sweet smile…you walked towards me,
Intensely, I was keeping up with all your steps.

With elegance, you swiftly lifted me up,
At an instant I held you tightly without hesitation.
Flushed I was from the moment’s contact,
As unknown warmth spread deep inside…

Unexpected shyness grasped from within,
As passion burned deep within our hearts…
The fluttering wings of a butterfly soared high,
As the fluttering hearts of our shifted its gears…

Blackened Tears

2007-11-16T23:05:00.000-05:00

Numbness spread its wings,
As fear overcrowded within…
Filled with terrible pain & panic,
I succumbed to the might of tears.

Tears...that had no hint of joy,
Tears...that had no trace of hope…
Blackened tears...they were,
For it saw no colors of the life.

Just as the sunshine spreads,
Forcibly darkness reveals itself…
Crystal clear as the tears may be,
Unparalleled was its spitefulness.

Connected it was deep in my heart,
Living the nightmarish world within…
Waiting on a chance for retribution,
To flood the gates without mercy.

Tears of stream ran down my cheek,
Tears that will no longer believe…
Tears that will see no wonders,
Tears that had dried out in misery.

Joys of Travelling??

2007-11-04T07:59:00.000-05:00

So here was the great adventure ...well sort of LOL.... Woohoo right? :P (not!!...well it was alright to tell ya the truth). So what else can I say...every place is the same!! In a sense that's always true I guess because ...what does every place have? People, houses, cars, trees and so on... So here I am about 6hrs away from home...as if it's soooo far away right? (:-D) It's a quiet little town if you're used to living in a place with high rises. I haven't seen any high rises as of yet. Maybe I am still in the outskirts of little towns and haven't broken the barrier to the real city :P

Anyway, they put me in this hotel...Marriott!! supposed to be a great and fancy fancy place..(not what you call a luxury hotel but still you know..it's supposed to be one of the good ones). Okay so here I was all tired from the drive and I go to sleep and first day I thought the bed was kinda feeling funny. But I pay no attention to it you know...maybe I was too tired..who knows!!! I managed to sleep through the uneasiness. Next day comes around and as soon as I enter the bed, guess what??... I get itchy :-S What the heck was that? I thought it was just me being paranoid you know? But I wake up in the middle of the night again and I can't stay on the bed at all. So I stay out and still couldn't sleep. When it comes to itchiness I just can't help it...as soon as it start there is no stopping my paranoia. I started thinking about that movie I saw where there were bugs on the bed and the guy gets rash all over.

I used to think "Don't let the bed bugs bite!!" was one of those things that you say to the kids just for the heck of it you know.... Guess this proved me wrong :P
Well I didn't notice anything at first...but guess what....next day...I look at my arms and legs and it had bites all over!! The joy!! :S I never had a bed bug bite before !! :S I thought it was some allergic reaction...told them to change the room and all and they did. But the paranoia had already started you know....there was no way for me to get it outta my head now. So it takes a while ...to get adjusted to the new settings and it's all fine. But the stupid bug bites hasn't still receded :-( What a welcoming from the little critters...they had a feast!! LOL.... red wine fiesta!! :P Ah well...my arm ain't looking any good though... as a matter of matter...it looks gross!!! I don't even wanna look at it. I was always one of those people who get allergic reaction rather quickly you know...so this ain't helping at all if you know what I mean... It's been about a week.. and it still there :S First two days it was tiny and wasn't itching as much now it's like red and itchy.. :S I want revenge re kya !! :P (tit for tat you know!! ) LOL... Now I think I will always be paranoid about hotels :P

Other than that...this place has pretty little beach and park areas. I wasn't expecting anything grand so it's like whatever...ok I am here... now what :P LOL... The GPS is an interesting piece of tool that you will want to kill after about 5 min of usage...lol I mean, come on!! I can lead myself into the dead-ends!!! I don't need no GPS telling me to go to dead-ends!! It reminded me of that commercial in tv...where the GPS tells you to make a turn and the turn leads you to the house!! LOL...it's a grand tool...don't ya think so!! Well, although it has it's downs..it does have its upsides too I suppose. Thank goodness I didn't drive into the house !! :P It's a joy I tell ya (:-D). Have to give it a try at least once and try to choke it..:P LOL... You get to the point where you don't know what to do...laugh? or cry? LOL...it's a moment to cherish I suppose LOL...

Fortuitous Wave

2007-10-11T14:52:00.000-04:00

Waves crashed and formed in the distant,
Undulating in the vastness of the ocean.
As the sun sank into the horizon,
The horrendous pressure was felt all around.

What fortunes did it bring for me?
Or is it misfortunes that I tried to avoid dearly?
Seemingly troublesome at a glance…
I could prolong the decisions only so long.

Two options arose before my eyes,
As the wave took shape right ahead of me…
Huge it was…as tall as an Eiffel tower,
Fearful, I cowered beneath its shadows.

Ride the wave as it came along…
Or, let it pass over me as if it’s nothing?
Overwhelmed with thoughts of change,
Decision faltered every passing moment.

Mixed feelings started to aggravate me,
Giving forms to the anxiety felt within.
Apprehensive of other’s notice,
I hid in corners…avoiding any distractions.

Decision was my own and not any others,
Discussions…however, were inevitable.
Cramped for space, I sought out open places,
Refreshing air gearing up my now refreshed mind.

Prepared to ride the wave with minimal doubts,
Unbalanced as I was, but I hung on strong.
May it be fortunes, or misfortunes?
Ready I was to take the plunge in deep waters.

Frozen Dreams

2007-10-09T15:12:00.001-04:00

Light headed and dizzy,
My tired…puffy eyes try to focus.
Drained of energy,
I, again…manage to read a few lines.

As instant as it was,
The words lose all meaning.
Wave of nausea strikes,
As my eyes move without focus.

Pen lies restless at the desk,
Just as I have lain restless for days…
Paper in my hand…but…
Mind frozen from the night ahead.

Pen held out, I am poised to write …
Smoothly as ever, ink pours into the paper.
As water trickling down into the stream,
Words flow without thought.

Slow in fashion…yet with rhythmic beauty,
Filled with many hidden emotions…
I cry in vain…to be understood,
Of dreams that lay frozen…frozen forever.

In Search of Clarity

2007-10-08T17:03:00.000-04:00

Knowledge of extreme woe,
Grips you in your throat.
Harder it becomes to swallow,
As the hold start to choke you…

Yearning for the next breath,
You reach out toward the glow.
Tantalizing, it appears within reach…
But again…it fades into the distant.

You realize yourself giving way,
As your strength seemingly melt away.
You let out your final frustrations,
When confusion binds you at bay.

Stalled at the edge of an abyss,
Jaded…your thirst intensifies.
The thirst for some clarity,
Clarity in the purpose to move on…

Unfounded logic strikes chord,
As thoughts reverberate within.
Emotions pull you out unwillingly,
As past memories give you strength.

Mentally stressed…physically in duress,
Grip on your throat lightens momentarily.
The glow ahead of you materialize,
As clarity presents itself with open arms!!

Into Scary Movies?

2007-10-07T20:50:00.000-04:00

So here I was awake at the dead of the night… I had no idea how to keep myself busy. I tried to sleep but I was restless I suppose…even laying in the bed make me extremely uncomfortable. My computer was on… I sometimes keep the music going while I sleep hoping it will take away my incessant thoughts from not entering and ruining my dreams. Dreams being ruined were not the problem of the day tonight however… I browse through the couple of sites already bookmarked and I come across this movie 1408. What is it about scary movies that make people want to watch it at nights? Why do people want to get scared sometimes? Is it to prove to oneself that they are not scared or they will not get easily scared as those people in the movies? I am asking myself that question as I start downloading it…

Although I am a fan of scary movies, I don’t like watching it by myself at thunderous nights and so on :P I mean, it is just going to entice my mind more. And what if you have to go downstairs in the dark or something? :P Nah…I won’t let my mind start getting too imaginative here…especially with all those stories I have heard about ghosts and witches and what nots!! It’s like completely engrained in my head…can’t be forgotten no matter the cost. Believe me, I have tried to forget them too…it still lingers on.

I do however like those home theaters all set up to watch scary movies at night with friends :P It’s sort of a thrill I suppose…the adrenaline gets going and you’re at the edge of your seat and so on...if it’s made good that is. Most of the time, scary movies are not made so great…so the whole thing is like a waste of time. Oh yeah …can’t forget the part where you can join in to scare your friends too :P You’ve got to enjoy that!! Much more mature version of childhood hide and seek, I say !! :P Maybe it’s because the Halloween is so near, that I am interested in watching scary movies…who knows?? (Or maybe it’s completely unrelated to anything, maybe I just happen to see that in the list and just pick it at random because that’s the one that I have most recently heard the review of :-) ). Doesn’t really matter does it?

I remember Halloween…it’s fun for kids I guess…well adults too :P (fun loving adults!! :P)
Go around scaring one another :P (come on!! Who can resist scaring people right? ) You can even go and try those haunted forest and castle/home walks!! One thing that spoils this is that you go in groups…and the people in front of you will react before you and then you won’t be scared anymore because you would have already seen it coming. But even then, it’s always fun watching people getting scared. :-) And if you’re distracted enough…who knows you may even find out whether you really get scared or not and how you’d react to things!! :P Still long ways to go before that day tho!! Enjoy preparing for it…!! Plan on scaring and being scared !! :P

If you’re really itching to be scared sooner than that, then get a really good scary movie…get all the sound system ready. Then choose the thunderous night when you’re home alone…and Enjoy!!

Goodbyes...

2007-10-06T22:48:00.000-04:00

Goodbyes are always hard ain’t it? I wonder why though… People come and go from your life all the time…one would think you’d be used to it by now. When you’re young, it’s one thing to believe that friends will last forever. As you grow up however, you realize that’s not the case always. Best friends will have their own life too later on, and you won’t be the center of attention (everyone wants to be the center of attention, :P well maybe not everybody :D ). You learn to move on as time passes on, so why again is it so difficult to say goodbye to begin a new chapter on life? It’s a conundrum.

Goodbyes are a must however… so I guess I might as well muster up all the emotions and give it a proper close.

I had been preparing to say goodbye for a long long time. It’s not like that I thought it would be really easy but I hadn’t thought that it would be really that hard either. When I finally broke the news, which happened sporadically by the way because I had been postponing every day to break it to them, I was totally taken off-guard by the reaction. I knew this would shock them for one and would also leave them at a awkward position….that was the main reason of me delaying the breaking of the news. But however I thought this would be a perfect time to tell …rather than let them carry on and think that I’d be staying there longer and plan for the future. So I explained to them and thought I had fully answered all their questions too but I was even more taken by surprise when I got the one on one talk for an hour. I was speechless…I felt really bad. I mean I was at a loss for words, I just listened on. These people are like my family!! I take their opinions very seriously and with all the emotions out there…I really didn’t know what to say at all. And even now, if I think about it…I get this feeling of deep sadness. It really was a bad timing on my part…but one can never predict things in life. Things happen at the worst of times right? I have been thinking about it for a long time and I had made the decision that would be best for me…and I would miss everyone greatly. I truly have learned a lot from them and they’re one of the best of people I have ever met in my life. I have very high regards for them.

I can remember the first day, as anyone can tell from the moment they talk with me…they’ll say I am not much of a talker…very true in fact. I remember one of my friends in high school saying that I look so serious and non-approachable. :D (I won’t argue with that either!! :P ). It takes me a really, really long time to open up to people and talk. It has always been like that…unless with those random people who are really talkative. With some people it’s like hitting the right chords with them you know?...I can talk on and on forever at the first time I meet them. Most of the time however, it’s not the case and I remember here…it took me almost a year perhaps for me to talk a lot have long conversations about “nothing” in particular. I love the talks on ‘nothing’!! :-D There is just this incredibly irresistible charm on that topic…what can I say? :-D

So, after three years of working…I have gotten close to people and I have learned a lot on the process as well. They are a very nice group of people...very helpful, caring and kind, etc. They are never shy on sharing their knowledge…and they are always there to listen to your ideas. They have an open mind and they never put you down. I have heard quite a lot from friends while in school, on how horrible jobs were out there…but luckily my first experience was just so wonderful. It was nothing like what they had described…for instance of discrimination, bosses treating you as nothing, never listening to you…how you’re like a speck of sand in the desert in big companies and such. I hope to not encounter such things but I guess eventually I will encounter those instances as I move on in life…

Here…I loved the people I had the chance to work with. They truly are great colleagues and great friends but life must go on…and things change and so do I have to make my decisions accordingly for the better or for the worst (hopefully for the better :-D …but challenges are always out there to keep life entertaining isn’t it? :P). These past few days, I have been thinking a lot… reminiscing as well. I wonder why when it’s time to say goodbye … you think of all the wonderful moments!! And then again… there’s that tinge of sadness knocking at the door…I have thought quite a bit and still no words of closure have formed in my mind.

Influential People In My Life

2007-10-05T10:52:00.000-04:00

Okay, so … October is my month you know. I feel obligated to write something at least….I mean come on…how can I not write anything right? :P

So I sat around for like hours and hours trying to think of something to put here. My thoughts are very jumbled up these days. So many things are happening and it feels like it’s happening all at once too…so I am kind of at a loss for words, thoughts, etc.

I was thinking one of those days where thoughts tend to pour out of nowhere…who is the most influential person I met in life? Now, it’s not like you only meet one person in your life that has affected your life in a positive way…there are literally a ton. At times I seem to forget them too…which is a shame but there are certain people that you can never forget you know. One of the people was one of my teachers in elementary school. Yeah I was very young then….I had just come from Nepal in fact. I was in DC….boy!!!…DC schools… LOL… I don’t know what to say about them. We had come when the school year was about to end but they had told us we can sit in the class just to get the feel for it. Oh wow!! The class they put me in … OMG… it was sooo rowdy. I was shocked to see people throwing papers and talking loud (to which it seemed to me like they were screaming out as if they were about to DIE) like crazy. Then when the teacher enters….no one stops!! Amazed I looked at them…and ask myself… Is this a real school?? It was the most horrible class I had been… I would never want to be in that class ever!!

So when the real school year began, I was hoping against hope to not be in the same class I was at before. Thank goodness, I was in the other class. When I came from Nepal, I was in a different state of mind. I had practically given up in studies…it didn’t matter to me (for reason I am not going to talk about here). So here was this teacher, Mr. McFadden. I was a shy type of person…probably even right now. :P He was an awesome teacher…He probably doesn’t even know how much he had influenced me in studying. I loved studying after being in his class. He always had this great personality, and he seemed to love teaching. Teachers who love to teach, I truly admire them…it’s a tough job!! He became like a source of encouragement to me. I, all of a sudden wanted to study. I remember, spending so much time actually studying!! (What happened to me now?? :-S ) I went home after school and I would go to my room and study study study.. while everyone else would enjoy watching TV. For once in my life, there was someone encouraging me to be better ..it was a great feeling.

Those days, were weird. When we just came here…no one but us siblings used to be home. We would come home and do our things… most of it would be watch tv :P But that’s how it was, I don’t even remember when we shifted to talking in English all the time..
Mr. James McFadden…my first teacher in US (I will always remember his smile…), I feel bad that I never kept in touch with him. I would have liked to thank him though…for everything. I remember those times, when I had … well .. lets not go there :-) He was the first person in many others to follow who I thought encouraged me and had somehow influenced me in my life.

I can write and talk about all of them here, but that would take ages… However, I would like to take this moment and thank everyone who came in my life…whether it was for a short or long amount of time. Everyone will share and pass some knowledge as they meet new people in their life…and some would affect one another in a positive way and some would affect one another in a negative way…but all in all everyone will learn as they move on in life. If we didn’t meet anyone in life, we wouldn’t learn all the things there is to learn would we now? :P So here, I will also thank those who read and comment on these silly pieces I write too. I appreciate all the comments and encouragements!!

:-) You too, play a role in my life ~.^_^.~

Powerful Words

2007-09-28T16:46:00.000-04:00

Here are few quotes from the book I am reading currently [So Long a Letter by Mariama Ba] that stood out to me the most.

"The power of books, this marvellous invention of astute human intelligence. Various signs associated with sound: different sounds that form the word. Juxtaposition of words from which springs the idea, Thought, History, Science, Life, Sole instrument of interrelationships and of culture, unparalled means of giving and receiving. Books knit generations together in the same continuing effort that leads to progress. They enabled you to better yourself. What society refused you, they granted...."

When people usually have to escape the reality, they try to busy themself a lot. I guess it's human nature to avoid things that make you feel sad and hurt. But many people...at this critical moment go towards drinking, smoking, and other drug related ways that keep their mind away from reality even though it's just for a moment. You drink till the point you blank out or you get high and you are no longer thinking of your pains...for a moment you are in a total bliss. Then there are some who try to avoid the pains in a different way...trying to keep themself busy: working hard, exercising, taking classes, reading books and novels, listening to music, etc. Although this is a tough way to go about it, this might be the most productive and positive way in moving forward in life in many cases. Rather than destroying your mind and body by being depressed, you be strong and slowly head toward the future.

Books are indeed a marvellous invention. I remember those days when I made 'school' my solace...it was a place where I no longer had to think. A place where I could avoid everything and be free in a way... You read novels and you can let your imagination run wild... Your interest peak while reading about new technologies and space exploration... you start thinking...so great are human minds... It gives you hope and strength to go on... It gives you motivation when you need it the most.. When no one can be there to share your pains, you perservere by reading stories of others and sharing similar circumstancial situations...

"The dried blood from the wounds leaves dark and repulsive stains on the ground. Cleaning them up, I think of the identical nature of men: the same red blood irrigating the same organs. These organs, situated in the same places, carry out the same functions. The same remedies cure the same illnesses everywhere under the sun, whether the individual be white or black. Everything unites men. Why, then, do they kill each other in ignoble wars for causes that are futile when compared with the massacre of human lives? So many devastating wars!! And yet man takes himself to be a superior being. In what way is his intelligence useful to him? His intelligence begets both good and ill, more often ILL than good."

This quote says it all...I got nothing more to add.

"...One is a mother in order to understand the inexplicable. One is a mother to lighten the darkness. One is a mother to shield when lightning streaks the night, when thunder shakes the earth, when mud bogs one down. One is a mother in order to love without beginning or end."

It's hard to be a mother!! I appreciate everything that my mother has done in order to give her children a better life. Life can't ever be easy for anyone...but for mothers', I believe it's 1000X harder.... No matter how hard her life is, they have to pretend to be happy...and try to put a happy face in front of their children....they can never just give up and leave...for their children are the pillars that hold them together!!

Love Waiting?

2007-09-17T13:54:00.000-04:00

So here I am just like always, I wake up with my heart racing…it’s not really racing in a good sense you know LOL… Probably I have high blood pressure :S or maybe something else is wrong with me. I try to avoid doctors…for some reason. I think it’s best if I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Well that’s what I say now… I know I know… I hear “The Lectures” all the time from colleagues and friends not to mention families. But you know what??… I don’t think I am at all alone in this. It’s been way too long since I have gone to the doctors…and you know how doctors are too. You have to tell them what you want tests done for exactly…otherwise if you just make a physical check-up appointment, they don’t do anything at all but charge you $200 dollar anyway. LOL…

Last time I went there to get some ear-drops… Well actually, I wanted their expert opinion on why the heck my ears were hurting to be exact. Then, of course after the usual waiting period of about 2 and half hours in the waiting area, they finally decide to take me inside the test room to wait another 40 minutes. (at this time counting hairs is not an options :P Not that counting hair was entertaining by any means....LOL). But definitely by this time...you really don’t know whether to hate the doctor or really love them coz you’re so much in pain due to high fever and such or nausea from hospital smell… At the end…you are just soo happy that you can cry that they were able to see you today and not tell you to go home coz they have to leave in 5 minutes.

Then finally the doctor shows up, asks me how I am doing and such. I say bla bla…and I came for this and then they look at my ear with a light on and say hmmm… “Do you swim a lot?” :S Heck no…I don’t swim a lot :S The last time I swam was like at couple of months ago … plus I rarely swim even though I do like it.

And after that she writes me a prescription for some antibiotic ear-drops and that was it. The bill that came at the end of the month was like close to $300. I was shocked… I should be a doctor!! :-D And plus…that didn’t really help me…now I am very much reluctant on going there again with the same problem :S I noticed it hurt just as bad when I flying to other place…ear popping doesn’t help matters much. (Well I guess I’ll think about that for a while or wait till it starts hurting again before I decide to call them and make an appointment which probably will be after 3 months later coz of their such hectic schedules… )

It’s such a pain!! First work out schedule with the doctor …then find out if this could be possible with work schedule then…finally after re-shuffling for about 100 times…get an appointment set for 3 months later that works. Then by that time it doesn’t hurt anymore and the appointment won’t make any sense! :P Miracle of doctors.. :-D You don’t even need to go to doctors…you’re all better!! Well winter is just around the corner…maybe I should plan ahead for my future sickness. ~.^_^.~ And this time I am gonna be extra ready with ipod, novel, and maybe even a laptop handy :P

Enuff of complaining… I think I should rather use this time to learn something new :-) or maybe try n improve my memory skillz.

Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins

2007-09-14T17:50:00.000-04:00

Since this is good information to share and I got it in email from someone, I thought why not share ~.^_^.~

No plastic containers in micro

No water bottles in freezer.

No plastic wrap in microwave...

A dioxin chemical causes cancer, especially breast cancer.

Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.

Recently, Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital, was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers...

This especially applies to foods that contain fat.

He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body...

Instead, he recommends usin g glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food... You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.

Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.

He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons..

Also he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.

Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life!

Damsel Forever in Distress

2007-09-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

Thru a tiny crevice, you entered my life…
It was in shambles…no lies would hide it,
Efforts seemed wasted, though I tried my best…
Fallen I remained, for I chose to see no light.

Although apparently you never attempted,
Understanding would have been unattainable.
Closed I was…forever to you and the world,
Not a hint of my feelings would I let it slip away.

A new persona had been erected in place,
In place…for a seemingly ruined soul,
I stand here now, as strong as I could feel…
Though broken within, not a trace was visible.

With hopes of better future and life for you,
I bade a final farewell without shedding any tear.
No longer a damsel in distress in your eyes,
Full of love and care...I departed at long last.

Though of heavy-heart…surely you as well,
My appreciation for you remains inside forever,
For lending a shoulder to a random stranger,
Wishing you happiness, I walk forth with strength.

Fruitless Mind Games

2007-09-02T08:26:00.000-04:00

Effortlessly forging ahead…
Through perilous obstacles,
Gorges seemed to form…
Right beneath our bases.

Disarray overwhelmed us,
As our mind became delusional…
Wild transformations developed,
Without any sort of realization…

Fused with reality and illusion,
Confusion immobilized our mind…
Unfocused we became at once,
We had undermined our rationale…

Willing with immense pressure…
Away from all paranoid delusions,
Striving…not to be fazed by it all,
Our best efforts were put forth…

Mind over matter, a silly connotation?
Outwitted and outmaneuvered,
My illusory ideals were taking over,
Slimming…a tiny glimmer of hope!!!

Nonexistent Existence

2007-08-30T19:37:00.000-04:00

Though stilled at heart,
But as passionate as ever…
I walked a precarious path,
Path as that of a lone wolf…

Disguised simply as a drifter,
I walked a thousand miles…
Following a path of a stranger,
In a land full of foreigners…

Demanded of anonymity,
No place for negligence…
I passed in and about,
Keeping as low a profile…

Strong-willed and stubborn,
Blatantly, I disregarded others…
For…not a hint ought to remain,
Of my nonexistent existence…

Forever Scarred

2007-08-29T14:20:00.000-04:00

Flat on the grassy hill,
I would lie on my back.
Without awareness,
Staring blankly up ahead.

With a momentary gust,
Clouds would disperse.
As if being chased apart,
Splitting the huge cluster.

As I stare at the chaos,
I would close my eyes.
Battle would rage on,
Inside…just like up above.

Tossed here and there,
With no particular direction.
Howling would arise instantly,
Chaos alighting with fury.

Battered and ruffled,
Things would get torn apart.
Scarring images would form,
Forever burned in my eyes.

As if in a nightmarish dream,
I awaken with a start.
Lingered feeling of unease,
Would forever be unscathed.

Wishful Thinking

2007-08-27T14:42:00.000-04:00

Quietness of the surrounding,
The subtleness of nature,
Calmness would start to spread,
Penetrate deep within my soul.

Million stars would twinkle above,
One at a time…as if to greet me,
Winking at me and smiling,
Acknowledging my gaze upon them.

With a smile I would gaze farther,
Searching … for some recognition,
As if to answer my question,
Waving excitedly, a star would pass by.

Senses would heighten,
Spirited...my heart would flutter,
Wishful thinking…

Once again would reverberate within.

Wake Up!!!

2007-08-21T10:22:00.000-04:00

So, I thought I was out of it all....you know!!....freedom at last?? :-S

It's ever so shattering to learn that you are never really free in a sense. So I am done with school ... and here I was, excited at not having to be forced to do presentations, papers... and such for at least a while.. (well i say at least a while here..because I know you can't ever get away from that. Eventually, you will work and there you are!!.. stuck again :-P)

Well that time has come for me as well. "No more vacation sweetheart!! ", someone yells..
You can only get away from it all for so long.... "That's ain't how the world works dear!" Get cracking!! says a friend of mine. (Awww....how insensitive :-(.... Dreams of being in paradise Shattered!! :P)

Whether you're at school or you're just on vacation..or you're working...you'll always be doing something that you want a break from. Why does the same thing you loved doing at one point in your life have to become a nuisance you know? I mean okay, here you are ...a painter.. Then your occupation becomes painting. But then painting was your love... you painted anything you wanted...it made you feel free!! Then you start to paint for others ... then they want things a specific way... you might even have to paint the same thing thousand times before they love it....and everything becomes work...and boring...and irritating.. Why does things have to turn out that way? :-(

That's why...for as long as I can ... I will try and avoid mixing business with my hobbies. Well technically, I don't have a hobby. Hobbies are completely different.... The more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I did at times for fun were not really hobbies of mine. Why do I say that? Well...because hobbies are things that you do when you have any time free (or more like...you would do it even if you didn't have time). You have a dull moment, you go there and start with your hobbies... Well in my case, I don't do that. I do draw occasionally, but that's just in rare times. I don't draw with passion... (well I draw with passion once in a blue moon :P) . This is why I don't put that in my list of hobbies.

Most of the times...it seems like every time I get bored..I would either sleep, watch tv, or watch anime..read manga or chill with ppl and bla bla all day long you know. But those things are random things, so you can't really call them hobbies. They're more like, let's see what I can do to kill time ...sorta things :-D
Well, I hope to find one thing that I love doing at any time.... This looks like a real challenge tho!!
"Challenges are what makes life interesting, no?" someone's line pop up in my head... Dang it!!! even when they're not here....it feels like someone is lecturing me :P (Paranoia Paranoia...cuckoo cuckoo!! LOL..)

Well ... here goes my trials... (maybe never-ending trials..but..it should keep me fairly entertained and bz for at least a while :-D)

Escaping the Inescapable

2007-08-19T02:09:00.000-04:00

Feeling trapped…
Claustrophobic even,
Distance…
Distance was all I desired.

From whom?, From what?
I inquired upon myself.
Not a word could be mustered,
I had ignored…even myself!!

Middle of nowhere…
Distanced from everyone,
Anyone within sight,
Plainly ignored…

Amidst all the quietness,
My consciousness beckoned…
Aware but unaware,
I walked away blindly…

Standing there…Nowhere!
Left but only with tears…
Tears that fall without falling,
Standing alone…to start anew!

Moments to Capture...

2007-08-18T15:42:00.000-04:00

Ft. Lauderdale Resorts:

Finally, after a long long long ride ... we're here:

Ahhhh...finally time to chill...in the cool water..

Leaving Lauderdale....beginning of the journey out in the sea

Bahamas... (are we there yet?? *sigh...* It seems like a long trip if you watch out at the sea all the time... (was timing myself how long I could stare out to nowhere before I zoned out:-D))

Woohooo!! We're here ... at last !!
**********-----------------*****************

Trying to get a glimpse of Coral reefs...

An exciting adventure out in the sea...90 minutes of that and it's sea sickness time :-P

************----------------------*****************
Party at the Island...
The whole beach to about 50ppl....almost all to ourself!! Awesome!!

(Whole buncha frenly people... :-D)

That's what I was doing.... Gazing out at the sea as if nothing in the world mattered!! :-) Beautiful place....

Water is sooooooo clear and blue :D
you can even see the fishes right at the shore !! :-)

Palm & Coconut Trees everywhere..... (i can't even tell the difference anymore :-S)

Lizards are everywhere too !!! I heard people eat lizards too :-D Yumm yumm!! :P Delicious!!

Never seen this big cactus around my area!! :-)

International Baazaar in Bahamas... They got their own mini China Town!! :D

Ocean so blue.... :-) Out there and in the middle of the sea again !!

And this sums it all up!!
Goodbye... Sayonara... Adieu!!
Time to go HOME... home sweet home!! :-)

Blogging Experience...

2007-08-07T15:58:00.000-04:00

So after visiting the site after quite a while, I thought I should write something...anything for that matter. These past couple of months I have just plain given up on writing...not that I really love to write...

I don't even know when I got the desire to write some stuff... I did use to write on rare occasions but I never considered myself to be a steady writer. So this blog of about 30 or 40 nonsensical blabbering is quite an achievement to tell you the truth. I was surprised at my continuity up till now...

Now that it's slowing down....this is what I believe is my true potential. I don't feel like writing...that's the way it always was. If I try to write something...my mind literally goes blank :-)
It's like..forget ya dude!!! I am on vacation :P

I guess during stressful times, you just tend to think a lot more than usual and when you get that motivation/desire to actually use your pencil or even your fingers to type...you can put it into words the way you want it to. Now that I have officially started vacation (well sort of), I no longer have that desire to put it in words...put it in paper...nor the desire to share...

It's funny how you have time to do all these things (blabbering, doodling, etc) when you are in the busiest of all times but when you are actually free...and bored to death of free time...you don't want to do anything. :-D I am amazed at myself really.... I usually wrote these things...during my exam times or when I was doing one of those all-niters. :-D I never understood when one of my friend mentioned that she used to read novels during exam time.... now I sorta get it :-D

Happy blogging to those who blogs!! :-)
I think I'll go on a bit of a hiatus...

Silenced Voices

2007-07-27T12:36:00.000-04:00

Darkness lurk in every corner,
Stalking with full passion.
Hiding behind every desire,
Every wish, yet to be fulfilled.

Ready to seize upon the moment,
Moment of slightest murmur.
Those silenced voices,
Full of joys, full of sorrows.

Inner conscious lay in shambles,
As chaos and turmoil rupture.
Stretched far beyond its limit,
Sole essence of life, torn apart.

Thousand needles pierce at once,
Writhing in pain, stumbling forward.
Silenced voices cry out in vain,

Wanting to be heard, for a bit of notice.

Bad Dreams

2007-07-02T10:01:00.000-04:00

Some people believe in dreams so much, they spend their whole life trying to figure out the meaning of each intricate details of the dream. They believe that dreams has a great meaning that will affect/define your life. I however think that is complete nonsense. Sometimes your mind just goes out on a field day when it comes to imagining impossible things. If you sleep right after watching a scary movie or are obsessed with a game, you will dream something similar. Does that mean that is somehow related to you? Hmm... does dreams hold a key to your future? present? past? :-S

Most of the time I never remember my dreams. Of course that doesn't mean I don't dream at all, everyone dreams...about something. I just don't seem to remember any...which I am really glad about because the ones I do remember are not so great. When I wake up suddenly, I usually remember the ends of it...but I forget them really quickly as well...(this rarely happens tho). If I pursue to remember it then maybe I can get more bits and pieces. I can maybe even piece the puzzles together but I hardly want to do that with my dreams that I remember. They don't seem to be all that great of a dream.

It's either crazy and wild dreams or ...it's just bad dreams.

Sometimes, you wake up... and you don't even realize you were dreaming. It all seems so real...you think it really happened. You can't tell the difference between reality and imaginary. All the time I dream of something serious...it always turns out to be similar in fashion. It all happens like it always would. I am there in the dream...but am I there as a third person? or I am part of the dream? ...I have no idea :-S All I know is that I can't do anything different...

It all feels so real !!....I just end up like the others in the dream...worried and afraid...even if you try so hard not to care...you are stuck!!

Numbness....why can't I be indifferent... that's what I end up thinking.

I wake up... It takes a while to realize it's a dream. Why can't I just dream of peaceful things? :-S Is my mind always so jumbled up? or do I just watch too many movies?? :-S

When I sleep...i just want to sleep...no dreams no nothing...!! Dreams are like movies...you just watch and see what happens. You didn't write the stories..you have no ability to do anything but watch or go with the flow....and if it's a recurring dream...then at the end things end all the same ... like all the horror movies. There were only a few instance when I woke up and I go back thinking of doing something different in the same dream and I actually was able to change it :-D That was some crazy dreams tho :-P It rarely happens.....you never can usually continue the same dream after you wake up anyway....ah well !!

There's a thin line between reality and imaginary things. What happens when you no longer can distinguish between the two? Does it mean that my dreams are real and it's trying to convey some message? That's as far as I will go when it comes to thinking about dreams... or most of the time..not even that far!! :-D

I don't try to delve on my dreams too much... Dreams are just dreams... Maybe it's trying to tell me something...and maybe not....but I am not chasing my dreams anytime soon :-) I just don't want to remember any dreams at all ..whatsoever!! ...may it be good or bad.. I dont' care!!

The Dogs of Babel

2007-06-17T13:36:00.000-04:00

by Carolyn Parkhurst, is a very interesting book.

From the start of the book, it grasped my interest and throughout the whole book it kept me from putting the book down even once. I think I am into short stories these day. It very unusual for me to start a book that's very short...because I like to read something that lasts a long time.... at least 600+pages. That should keep me busy for a while and fully entertained too :-)

I am terrible at giving reviews on anything...so here's a brief outline. It's a simple read.

Paul narrates the story here. He is desperate and is trying to deal with his wife's death at the same time...trying to find out why, how, etc. He wasn't home when she died (accidental or otherwise), only witness was the dog they had. And in desperation to find out the why's and the how's he starts to pursue an unlikely idea of teaching dogs to talk.

In the process, the bond the dog has with their owners are shown... some things just so heart touching. After Lexy died, he sees the dog one day with Lexy's sweater...lying next to it as if he could try and be close to her that way. At that moment he asks the dog...

"where's Lexy? Go get Lexy !! And all of a sudden, she's off, running wildly from room to room. ... she charges through the house, sniffing in corners and barking."

That was just so sad.... [made me wanna cry :'( ]
Your pets have so strong of a bond with you, they seem to go through the same pains as you would when you lose someone.

He narrates his own feelings/thoughts and what he went through after realizing that his wife Lexy has died. He wonders if this was indeed a suicide and if it was, why and when did she decide to kill herself. He had taken everything for granted that he had no idea that she was in that state of mind. He wonders why? ... he hadn't noticed any changes? How come he had missed all the signs?....was there any signs? did he not know her at all? All the question seemed to overwhelm him.... He started to question everything that he had ever known since he knew Lexy... There is this line...that I like and find some truth in it...

"It's true isn't it, that each of us has two hearts? The secret heart, curled up behind a first, living gnarled and shrunken beneath the plain, open one we use every day... I realize there are things about her I will never know. It's not the content of our dreams that gives our second heart its dark color; it's the thoughts that go through our heads in those wakeful moments when sleep won't come. And those are the things we never tell anyone at all."

At the end, can we really know anyone? No matter how much you spend the time with the person, no matter how much you love a person, if the person decides to keep it from you....then they can hide anything successfully. Was it him that wasn't paying attention? maybe .... Could he have stopped this from happening?....perhaps and perhaps not. We all have a way of hiding things from one another.... we all keep things from one another...Not all worries are shared...not all problems are shared and not all joys are shared.... it's the way of life. It can't be helped....

One Life...

2007-06-14T10:15:00.000-04:00

So here I was bored to death and I happen to land on a book called "For Matrimonial Purposes by Kavita Daswani". Well just by the topic itself, I would have never read this book...if it was any other times that is :-)

But since I was bored to death, I would have started any book at the time. Maybe I actually decided to finish the book because it was sorta like a blog writing. Blogs are kind of an easy read...about a person's life and those of course catches more interest than those fiction novel which can bore you right out of your mind and make you not want to open the book ever.

It's a nice read, short and funny at some points and something I guess most asians can relate to because at some point in anyone's life your parents would surely nag you about getting married and take you through a drama of picking your perfect pair. I could relate to some of the things, so the interest grew as I read on.

It's a wonder how society works... Marriage and having kids has to be a "MUST" in your life. If you say to anyone "oh... i don't think i wanna marry"....their response would be " Oh my goshh!! why not...how would you live alone? who's gonna take care of you?" It's like it's the end of the world if you don't get married. In our own country, after you reach a certain age pressure from the society seem to escalate and parents are in double the hurry to send you away to some unknown guy so that you can have a life of your dreams. I wonder sometimes, are they really doing this for your own good? or are they doing this to satisfy the society itself ? and keep their so call "reputation" in check. Parents and their reputation!!! You can even hear the touch of anger with that sentence :-P

All my life, all I heard was... "mero ijjat" Ijjat!! that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Parent's Ijjat!! Do you live your life? or do you do things for your parent's Ijjat? Should you have no say in things? Isn't it your life that you are living at the end? or are you still living their life?? Yes, I understand!! As a parent, it's their duty to see their kids have a wonderful and successful life. That's any parent's wish....they grew up believing that marriage is a part of life and after marriage, at least they don't have to worry about you any longer. That you are in other's hand and that they will hopefully take care of you till you die and they can finally live their own life. True True...everything they are doing is right and maybe if I ever become a parent, I would worry about the same things too. It's natural for them to care about you. But then there also comes a point in your life when the parents have to just let you go....let you make your own decision. They can't do everything for you, can they now? They have done their part in raising you...they can't baby-sit all the time. They have to let you make your own mistakes in life....and don't tell me that everyone is perfect. Not even parents are....everyone makes mistakes. They might think that they are doing the best for their children,...but it might end up horrible. Then they live their life in regret...what good would that do to the parent?

Satisfying your parents is one thing, but letting them control your life is another thing...that's what I say at least. If I am not free to speak my mind, then are they really a good parent? I should have been a robot then? Why have a mind of your own, and have the option of "choice" if you can't have a say in anything? I always questioned that. Their job as a parent includes advising them...caring for them..being their for them... That's what parents' job is....when they are children is one thing...they don't know any better. But after they grow up...whether they listen or not ..it's their own problems. They as a parent has done their part and now they just watch and hope that they have taught them right. Controlling will not work all the time......it would at the end just lead to rebellion.

So, the book talks about how the society is pressuring her parents. She is not finding anyone when she reaches the age of marriage and everyone is talking behind their backs and all (since everyone tries to set her up but fail miserably every time). She feels guilty and ashamed that she is making her parents go thru this sadness of having a daughter that no one comes for her hand in marriage. I guess in my mom's time, it was the like that.... I really don't know how it is now ... since I haven't been there for ages now. She recalls marrying only because the society forced her parents to marry her off as soon as she reached the age of 20.

I am glad I don't have to deal with the gossips and so on at least. Not that ..it doesn't exist here in the nepalese community here. I was suprised things were the same everywhere. I would have thought maybe it would be a little less or at least somewhat different. But no..it's the same all around. The communities..families, they all want to know the bad things going on in your life so they can spread the rumor around and feel good about themself I suppose. I remember parents going to visit some community friends and come home then start whining to us for not doing this and that the certain way and how come you bla and when you gonna bla bla... It was always the same routine... their son did that and did this ..how come you don't bla bla..

How bothersome!! Sigh*..

The rate of such visits dwindle down later as we were much more immersed in school work and work work...then suddenly ..no more gossips .. Yayyy!!! I was finally glad I was out of the circle :-) Was it really a great thing? I really think so. :-) I was happy... to be away from the circle. I didn't want to know about anyone and I didn't care if they said anything about me or not.

I kind of got distracted!! :-) I don't what I talk from one moment to the next really. Back to the marriage topic....yeah there just comes a time when it's time for you to marry. You know this right away because your parents start to nag you...how about this guy and that guy! Well I thought when my turn started, I was already crystal clear about what I wanted. But no!!! to my suprise, they had planned things without my knowing. First time comes around, they ask ..then the second and I keep reiterating my say "not interested!!". Then finallly my dad decides...hmm let's bring someone in anyway and not tell me or anyone about it :S Duhh!!! Who're you trying to marry off :-S Shouldn't I know before-hand ?? So I thought I was in for a normal simple get together party and later I learned no..it wasn't that at all. The people who came was actual people who they were trying to set me up with. Their parents were there too :-S Yeah so what did i know about the guy? Nothing!!! Did he ever talk in the party ? No!!!

My mom later learns about the potential match for me and says he's a good boy!! :-S How do you know? I ask... Just because he came with his parents ..and didn't say a word? and looked humble and quiet and respectful? he's nice? Is that how you know people? Is that all it takes to impress parents? I ask a question, if you go to a strange person's house and you don't know anyone...what do you do? Don't you just sit their quietly...especially if you know this is for marriage match making? Have you heard of anyone who would go to other people's house to meet parents all drunk and crazy..or high? No Duhhh!!! So yeah!! I am a bit slow too? I only recognized that this was a set up only when the his mom decides to inspect me all close-up...like you would inspect an amoeba!! What could I do? I literally wanted to whack her!! Don't get me wrong....I was'nt trying to be rude or anything.....but Golly!!! why would you come like one inch away from my face and look at me like that? I thought she was drunk or something!! I didn't want to disrespect her...as that would completely ruin my parents so called "IJJAT"....so all I did was sit there :-S feeling awkward like hell until I got enough irritation built on me to make myself get up and go find out what the issue was... Then learned from my brother that it was a set-up.

Then that was it!!....the point of boiling....

I had to give a heart to heart discussion on this matter so as to end it once and for all....but i wouldn't ruin anyone's Ijjat in the process... I waited till everyone had made their way out first :-P

That was the last of their so called suprise set-ups!! :-D

Am happy :-) Is life without marrying on time....so horrible?? I guess that would depend on the each one's perspective and what they want in life. For me I don't think that one has to conform to the norm in order to be happy....or to lead a happy and successful life. Yes!! not conforming to society's rulz sometimes will be hard and painstaking process for some ...but if you are happy of what you are doing then by all means...be happy doing what you want. Don't follow to rules just because you are forced to it...

In the end only YOU will have to live YOUR life... NO ONE IS GOING TO LIVE IT FOR YOU!!

You have to open your own door and walk the path you choose!!

Happiness to Last a Lifetime

2007-05-04T13:51:00.000-04:00

With you beside me…it’s heaven on earth!
I fantasize about those days…
Where we lie together in the meadows,
Counting the stars in the still of the night.

I doze off on your shoulders,
Just to wake up with your sweet smile.
Smile that would show hope …
Even to those who have lost it all.

Eyes filled with intense emotions,
We look at one another…
To be lost in the sea of happiness,
The blissful moments we’ve molded together.

Forging memories to last a lifetime…
Infinite bliss we had always hoped to create.
Smiling with our heart’s content…

Promising forever to be side by side.

Shards of Life

2007-04-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

Unknown fear grasps from within,
Immobilizing you instantly...
Hiding within yourself,
Dangers you try and avoid.

You venture boldly,
Daring for challenges...
Mishap strikes,
Derailed once again.

Seemingly vengeful,
Nightmarish devil...
Destiny prevails,
Oh merciful Fates!!

Like a shattered glass,
That pierces through you...
So does the tragedies,
That befall in life.